Ages and stages

In an effort to make their cities more attractive to females, who apparently avoid them, officials In South Korea have embarked on a "women-friendly" campaign. Seoul now boasts women-only parking spaces, larger than typical spaces and painted pink. The thinking here is that women either a) drive larger vehicles or b) need a lot of space in which to maneuver their cars, and that c) pink is a universal color beloved by women everywhere or d) the pink ensures that male drivers will avoid those spots like the plague.

Possibly options a, b, c, and d are all true. Whether women or their vehicles require more space than usual to park, however, depends on their stage of life, because the amount of space and stuff one needs is directly correlated with one's age. We have created a handy chart to illustrate this progression:

Babies, or Very Tiny Persons: They weigh, on average, in the vicinity of 7 to 10 pounds at birth. But by law, the things they need to get around -- car seat, baby jogger, portable crib, baby carrier, everyday stroller, weekend stroller, traveling stroller, shopping stroller, gazing at other babies stroller, waiting in line stroller, going to the mailbox stroller, etc. -- must represent at least 19 times the body volume of the Very Tiny Person.

Slightly Less Tiny Persons: Toddlers require less equippage to travel than infants, but first you have to catch them.

Preschoolers: Travel requirements are minimal, but you must be prepared for the moment when their energy suddenly and unexpectedly gives out (generally when you are an hour's trek from home), and they must be conveyed by an adult.

Teen girls: Not unlike the Very Tiny Person, they need vehicles for travel to school, basketball practice, mall, movies, girlfriend's house, other girlfriend's house, 52 more girlfriends' houses, etc.

Teen boys: This group is most efficiently conveyed everywhere via their beds, as otherwise they must be surgically detached from it each morning. Detachable wheels are key.

Young families: Vehicles popular with this group provide, on average, 120 sq. ft. per person, and STILL the kids fight over space.

Empty nesters: initially they need much less than Young Families, at least before grandkids along.

Retirees: They have about the same space requirements as preschoolers, but unlike that group, can generally make it to their napping place without another adult's assistance. Generally.

We predict that parking spaces for each of these stages could appear in the near future. If not not here, maybe in South Korea.