The advent of spring weather has renewed a familiar struggle in our household on Sunday afternoons: deciding whether to spend some time enjoying the outdoors, delighting in the loveliness of the season and the warm sun on our faces --
Or nap.
Often the Hero renews his argument that it doesn't HAVE to be a choice. If only we had a hammock, and a large sturdy tree to hold it, and lots of space in which to swing it, we could be outdoors AND take a nap.
Hammock envy. It afflicts even the best of us.
One recent Sunday I wanted nothing more than to lie down and was willing, sacrifice though it might be, to forego all the glories outdoors and let my fellow community members bask in them. The Hero felt strongly that we should go for a walk. Finally I agreed.
But we didn't go right away, and while I lingered, putting dishes away, it got very quiet in the room where the Hero was. Instead of the lively discussions he often has with the computer ("Stupid piece of junk." "Sweet!"), his head was plunked down on the desk.
Good, I thought. Now I can take a nap. And I plunked down on the couch, which very unfortunately roused the Hero, touching off another discussion of what to do: stay in and nap -- which we clearly were both inclined to do -- or continue virtuously with our outdoor plans.
Eventually the great outdoors won, albeit with the promise of caffeine at a favorite coffee house after we had finished our outdoor tour of duty. Possibly the nearby ice cream stand would be open now for the season. It would be neighborly to check, wouldn't it? Of course it would.
The ice cream stand was NOT open, we learned after our walk, but the coffee people told us it would open at the end of May. Thus happily supplied with caffeine and assured that sugary treats would be available in a few weeks, we settled in to enjoy the rewards of our labor.
And decided that maybe the great outdoors thing isn't so bad. You just need a proper reward.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Exercise and laziness -- now you can have both!
Although spring finally seems to be here*, the Hero and I have resolved to use the gym more, more being a relative term and in our case meaning "at all."
This was prompted by recent news items about exercise and health, which cited experts as saying that we do not necessarily have to be exercise fiends to benefit from working out. In fact, the recommended amount of exercise seems to be shrinking every time we read about the subject, perhaps because a significant number of Americans, such as ourselves, keep ignoring the advice every time they read it.
Recommendations used to be one hour of vigorous exercise a day, eight days a week, more if possible. When the average person responded by increasing their Couch Potato hours, experts said, well, half an hour three days a week was probably okay. And the 30 minutes didn't have to be continuous: you could do 15 minutes in the morning, 15 in the afternoon.
Now, experts say, 15 minutes just once a day, three days a week -- and really, you can break up even that amount: 1 minute going downstairs in the morning, 2 minutes going to get the paper, 3 minutes walking your kindergartner to the bus stop, 1 1/2 minutes running frantically back home to yank some cookies from the freezer she suddenly remembered she was supposed to bring to class, 1 1/2 min tearing back to the bus, etc.
Unless Americans reform their health ways soon, the recommendations are probably going to continue to trend downward. Pushing the garage door opener will be sufficient exercise, provided you do it twice a day. Opening the door to your car and getting in will count. Getting back out, too. "Please, Americans!" the experts will soon be pleading, "At least breathe deeply!"
And we will be pleasantly surprised to learn that simply walking into the gym, stashing our things in the storage lockers, looking around at the equipment, then retrieving our stuff and leaving -- such monumental effort will count for a full week's exercise.
We can't wait.
_____________
*subject to change at any moment
This was prompted by recent news items about exercise and health, which cited experts as saying that we do not necessarily have to be exercise fiends to benefit from working out. In fact, the recommended amount of exercise seems to be shrinking every time we read about the subject, perhaps because a significant number of Americans, such as ourselves, keep ignoring the advice every time they read it.
Recommendations used to be one hour of vigorous exercise a day, eight days a week, more if possible. When the average person responded by increasing their Couch Potato hours, experts said, well, half an hour three days a week was probably okay. And the 30 minutes didn't have to be continuous: you could do 15 minutes in the morning, 15 in the afternoon.
Now, experts say, 15 minutes just once a day, three days a week -- and really, you can break up even that amount: 1 minute going downstairs in the morning, 2 minutes going to get the paper, 3 minutes walking your kindergartner to the bus stop, 1 1/2 minutes running frantically back home to yank some cookies from the freezer she suddenly remembered she was supposed to bring to class, 1 1/2 min tearing back to the bus, etc.
Unless Americans reform their health ways soon, the recommendations are probably going to continue to trend downward. Pushing the garage door opener will be sufficient exercise, provided you do it twice a day. Opening the door to your car and getting in will count. Getting back out, too. "Please, Americans!" the experts will soon be pleading, "At least breathe deeply!"
And we will be pleasantly surprised to learn that simply walking into the gym, stashing our things in the storage lockers, looking around at the equipment, then retrieving our stuff and leaving -- such monumental effort will count for a full week's exercise.
We can't wait.
_____________
*subject to change at any moment
Monday, May 12, 2014
"Maryland, My Maryland (Home of Allergy Sufferers)"
Millions of people are suffering from seasonal allergies right now. I sympathize, being one of those persons, and offer this invitation on behalf of those of us residing in Maryland: give us your poor, your weak, your sniffling, sneezing masses. Send them to Maryland! For where'er you be, ye have a few weeks per year of misery. Ah, but here, in lovely, humid Maryland, here we promise thee year-round suffering. (Offer ends soon, please act now.)
Maryland's status as Allergy Mecca has been confirmed for me by several doctors. "Ah, yes," they say, with a slight twist of the mouth. "Everyone who moves to Maryland develops allergies."
And yet, incredibly, one hears nothing about this issue from the political candidates campaigning in our state right now. They drone on about unemployment, taxes, and wind energy, but fail to address REAL problems, like how long it will be before landfills explode due to the mass of wet, soggy facial tissues deposited by all of us allergy sufferers.
Further, why is all this allergy business happening here? I have some theories, some of which involve very complex science, and for which I had to seek out various experts.*
1. Pollen and other allergens have been outsourced here from other areas, including tropical islands. Think about it. Have you ever been to an exotic locale and not been able to view the lovely sunset because your eyes are watering from pollen? No, the tourism industry would never allow it.
2. It's a secret program of the government, involving the spread of allergens through wiretapping.
3. The "hyper-clean hypothesis." Many scientists** believe that modern society's tendency to Leave No Germs Behind in our environments does not give our bodies a chance to build up immunity to various kinds of allergens. So by not inviting them in, we give them the opportunity to invite THEMSELVES in, and the result is that some of us turn into Sneezy, Dopey, and Grumpy. In fact, in countries with poor sanitation, little antibiotic use, and more parasitic infections, the lucky residents have NO ALLERGIES. Clearly, Marylanders should seriously consider moving to one of these more fortunate locales.
Or at least we should stop cleaning so much. And stop being so hung up on personal hygiene, Marylanders! Uh...never mind. Maybe we should stick with with reason #1.
__________
*Not necessarily experts in science.
**and messy housekeepers
Maryland's status as Allergy Mecca has been confirmed for me by several doctors. "Ah, yes," they say, with a slight twist of the mouth. "Everyone who moves to Maryland develops allergies."
And yet, incredibly, one hears nothing about this issue from the political candidates campaigning in our state right now. They drone on about unemployment, taxes, and wind energy, but fail to address REAL problems, like how long it will be before landfills explode due to the mass of wet, soggy facial tissues deposited by all of us allergy sufferers.
Further, why is all this allergy business happening here? I have some theories, some of which involve very complex science, and for which I had to seek out various experts.*
1. Pollen and other allergens have been outsourced here from other areas, including tropical islands. Think about it. Have you ever been to an exotic locale and not been able to view the lovely sunset because your eyes are watering from pollen? No, the tourism industry would never allow it.
2. It's a secret program of the government, involving the spread of allergens through wiretapping.
3. The "hyper-clean hypothesis." Many scientists** believe that modern society's tendency to Leave No Germs Behind in our environments does not give our bodies a chance to build up immunity to various kinds of allergens. So by not inviting them in, we give them the opportunity to invite THEMSELVES in, and the result is that some of us turn into Sneezy, Dopey, and Grumpy. In fact, in countries with poor sanitation, little antibiotic use, and more parasitic infections, the lucky residents have NO ALLERGIES. Clearly, Marylanders should seriously consider moving to one of these more fortunate locales.
Or at least we should stop cleaning so much. And stop being so hung up on personal hygiene, Marylanders! Uh...never mind. Maybe we should stick with with reason #1.
__________
*Not necessarily experts in science.
**and messy housekeepers
Monday, May 5, 2014
Nature in 3-d
The Hero and I take our summer vacation planning very seriously. We generally start discussions early in the year, and they go somewhat like this:
January
Princess: We should go someplace new this year.
Hero: Yea, we should. AND to the beach.
March
H: So where should we go on vacation?
P: Someplace new.
H: Sounds good. And the beach.
May
P: Wow, summer is almost here. We should make some travel plans. How about out west?
H: Hmm, we could. And the beach too.
P: Maybe the Grand Canyon.
H: Hmm...yeah, no beach there, though.
July
P: We REALLY need to make some plans.
H: Yeah.
August 23
P: Well, here we are at our usual beach place!
H: Yep!
P: So, where should we go next year...?
We really do want a different vacation. At least in theory. It is not that we don't like exploring nature, for example. We would like it a lot, if it weren't so...naturey.
If only we could watch a documentary instead of actually experiencing nature ourselves. "Grand Canyon: The Movie," for instance. Or Wii Nature Hikes. Note that we are not talking here about an all-sense virtual experience. Sights are fine -- let us admire the colors, the intense greens of a forest, the birds and other fauna. Sounds, too -- birds calling, waterfalls rushing, etc. But feeling insects on our persons, plants brushing against our legs, mud squishing between our feet -- no, thank you. No extreme, lifelike experiences are necessary for us.
The ideal virtual nature hike would include snack breaks. And not just granola bar snack breaks. We're talking ice cream sundaes, root beer floats, some wine and cheese...
May 5
P: Hey, I think I've got our vacation idea!
Now, if someone would just build it.
January
Princess: We should go someplace new this year.
Hero: Yea, we should. AND to the beach.
March
H: So where should we go on vacation?
P: Someplace new.
H: Sounds good. And the beach.
May
P: Wow, summer is almost here. We should make some travel plans. How about out west?
H: Hmm, we could. And the beach too.
P: Maybe the Grand Canyon.
H: Hmm...yeah, no beach there, though.
July
P: We REALLY need to make some plans.
H: Yeah.
August 23
P: Well, here we are at our usual beach place!
H: Yep!
P: So, where should we go next year...?
We really do want a different vacation. At least in theory. It is not that we don't like exploring nature, for example. We would like it a lot, if it weren't so...naturey.
If only we could watch a documentary instead of actually experiencing nature ourselves. "Grand Canyon: The Movie," for instance. Or Wii Nature Hikes. Note that we are not talking here about an all-sense virtual experience. Sights are fine -- let us admire the colors, the intense greens of a forest, the birds and other fauna. Sounds, too -- birds calling, waterfalls rushing, etc. But feeling insects on our persons, plants brushing against our legs, mud squishing between our feet -- no, thank you. No extreme, lifelike experiences are necessary for us.
The ideal virtual nature hike would include snack breaks. And not just granola bar snack breaks. We're talking ice cream sundaes, root beer floats, some wine and cheese...
May 5
P: Hey, I think I've got our vacation idea!
Now, if someone would just build it.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
The rains came tumbling down
Despite the Hero's best attempts to NOT keep his birthday plans for me a secret, he managed to not give them away, or at least he would have if the weather hadn't intervened.
"The road to the restaurant's closed," he announced. "We'll have to go someplace else."
It had been raining for two days, hard, and in a town that is below sea level, like ours, it is not unusual for such conditions to make it conducive to kayak down the middle of Main Street.
We debated several nutritious alternatives to the restaurant the Hero had picked out, including staying home and having pancakes. We finally chose a nearby restaurant so we wouldn't have to drive too far in the downpour. To get there we had to pass a bakery, and although it did briefly cross our minds to stop in -- it's open late on Wednesdays; shouldn't we help make it worth the employees' while to be there? -- we continued on to an establishment with actual food.
Plus, we had cupcakes waiting at home.
At the restaurant we were seated at a table in the "Intestinal Surgery Discussion" section. The individuals behind us talked at some length, and without regard to other patrons' appetites, about their respective experiences with diverticulitis and resulting surgeries. "But if it doesn't work," one of them warned, "they may have to do another surgery."
"What looks good to you?" the Hero asked over his menu.
"Intestines," I said absentmindedly. "Actually, I'm not so hungry anymore." Even the prospective cupcakes were beginning to lose their shine.
But the Intestinal Surgery Discussion eventually moved on, our appetites returned, our meals were consumed, and the prospective cupcakes shone a little brighter.
Did I mention that there were cupcakes at home?
And that there were leftover Oreos that didn't make it into the cupcakes? SOMEONE had to eat those.
So we did. And we didn't think of diverticulitis. Not even once.
"The road to the restaurant's closed," he announced. "We'll have to go someplace else."
It had been raining for two days, hard, and in a town that is below sea level, like ours, it is not unusual for such conditions to make it conducive to kayak down the middle of Main Street.
We debated several nutritious alternatives to the restaurant the Hero had picked out, including staying home and having pancakes. We finally chose a nearby restaurant so we wouldn't have to drive too far in the downpour. To get there we had to pass a bakery, and although it did briefly cross our minds to stop in -- it's open late on Wednesdays; shouldn't we help make it worth the employees' while to be there? -- we continued on to an establishment with actual food.
Plus, we had cupcakes waiting at home.
At the restaurant we were seated at a table in the "Intestinal Surgery Discussion" section. The individuals behind us talked at some length, and without regard to other patrons' appetites, about their respective experiences with diverticulitis and resulting surgeries. "But if it doesn't work," one of them warned, "they may have to do another surgery."
"What looks good to you?" the Hero asked over his menu.
"Intestines," I said absentmindedly. "Actually, I'm not so hungry anymore." Even the prospective cupcakes were beginning to lose their shine.
But the Intestinal Surgery Discussion eventually moved on, our appetites returned, our meals were consumed, and the prospective cupcakes shone a little brighter.
Did I mention that there were cupcakes at home?
And that there were leftover Oreos that didn't make it into the cupcakes? SOMEONE had to eat those.
So we did. And we didn't think of diverticulitis. Not even once.
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