In an apparent effort to trim costs, our local energy company has installed Smart Meters on many homes in the area, including ours. Smart meters give the company up-to-the-minute data on your energy usage and allow them to send personalized updates to let you know how much energy you are using. And how much energy your neighbors are using. And how much MORE energy you are using compared to your neighbors. And how ashamed this should make you.
It does make us ashamed. Ashamed that we didn't just say no to the Smart Meter.
Because knowing that our "most efficient neighbors" are using 51% less energy than we are has not made us look for ways to cut back. It has made us wonder who these people are. And what THEIR reports say. Possibly, "Congratulations! You are more efficient than the rest of your neighbors, who are all imbeciles with complete disregard for the Earth's resources. If we were you, we would definitely consider moving."
And we wonder, of course, which are the poor saps who are even less efficient than we are. And we gloat over them, whoever they are.
Another measure instituted by the energy company is special Energy-Saving Days. These are days selected at random from the days when energy demand is expected to be high, and if you consume less energy than usual on those days, you get ANOTHER report from the company. This one says, "Great job! You used 1% less energy on this day. Your account will be credited $.43 (minus federal, state, international, and intergalactic taxes and fees)".
The idea is that you, the homeowner and assumed energy hog, are informed IN ADVANCE of the special Energy-Saving Day and implement prudent, cost-cutting measures on that day, such as following your spouse and children around and turning off lights and faucets after they turn them on ("Hey, can't a person get more than four drops of water to drink??" "Tomorrow. Not today").
The problem is that the energy company does NOT tell you ahead of time exactly when the Energy-Saving Day will be, only that it will be "soon." We find out only in retrospect that it was, say, two weeks ago, on August 7. Any energy conservation measures taken that day, therefore, were a completely accidental occurrence. But at least we receive our 43-cent payback (minus federal, state, international, and intergalactic taxes and fees.
We are sure that more frequent, personal, and annoying messages are coming from the company in the near future. Perhaps the communication will be something like this:
Energy Company: We have observed that your energy usage has climbed 12% in the last month. Are you leaving more lights on than usual? -- Your friends at the energy company
Us: Hummph.
EC: You could have traveled to Liechtenstein with the money you would have saved if you were as efficient as your neighbors.
Us: Funny, we don't see any of THEM traveling to Liechtenstein.
EC: We noticed your lights flashing off and on at 2200 hours for 3 1/2 minutes yesterday. It was like some sort of signal...
Us: Darn right, Smart Meter. We were saying Leave us alone. At least 51% of the time.
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