It is that time of year again, when the air is crisp, leaves crunch underfoot, and we commence our annual search for the perfect pumpkin. Following this, we begin our annual fight with the local squirrels, who believe pumpkins are theirs by divine right.
There are approximately a kajillion and a half pumpkins at each pumpkin patch, farm, or store we see. These places should be squirrel meccas. Yet we have never seen a bite taken out of any of these pumpkins. The day we bring our lone pumpkin home, however, the squirrels are waiting. It's like they have a Pumpkin Watch set up, manned by junior squirrels who raise the alarm: "Hey, it's here!" And like many tribes in the human world, the juniors watch, longingly, as the more mature of the bunch go off to attack and enjoy the spoils. "Next time," they tell the young buck squirrels, eager for action.
While we were searching for this year's squirrel target at a farm, a young girl stood next to me, solemnly looking at all the pumpkins in the large bin. She made occasional commentary on the ones I picked up, chiefly variations on "Hmmm." Clearly she was looking for a very specific pumpkin. Finally I asked her what kind she was searching for.
"I'm looking for the one with NO dirt on it," she announced solemnly.
It was a secret wish of mine, too, but of course it doesn't matter whether one's pumpkin is dirty. Because the squirrels are going to eat it anyway.
The Hero is hoping not to repeat his rather scary experience from a recent Halloween. He was handing out candy and noticed a young girl in a rather odd, homemade costume that looked like -- but no, it couldn't be --
"Is she a stink bug?" he said to the father.
His tone, I am sure, suggested that he thought the situation might warrant a call to protective services. But the father, oblivious, proudly indicated that yes, his sweet daughter WAS impersonating one of the most vile members of the insect world -- the Hero's personal nemesis.
The Hero can only hope that this year, or some Halloween in the near future, some youngster, armed and dressed as the Mortal Enemy of Stink Bugs, will show up to take care of this menace once and for all. And THAT child will have all the candy he -- or she -- will ever want.
Maybe we'll throw in a dirt-free pumpkin, too.
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