President, sir, we have a situation

It's not easy being the French Defence Minister. Among his recent job duties, as we understand them, are these:

1. Manage French pull-out from Afghanistan
2. Manage war in Mali
3. Inform the President that his camel is dead

According to news sources, the French President received a camel as a gift* from officials in the country of Mali, who believed it would be helpful for getting the President around Paris traffic jams. No, actually it was to thank the President for his assistance in driving out rebels who, depending on which source you follow, either a) were moving from their base in the north to the south to cause mayhem, or b) were moving from their base in the north to the south in an effort to get rid of Mali's extra camels.

No doubt the Mali Cabinet discussed a variety of gifts to give the President for his country's services, and finally settled on a camel with a t-shirt reading "I helped drive out the Mali rebels and all I got was this lousy camel."

Although by all accounts the President was flattered by the gift (referred to here as the First Camel), ultimately he chose to leave it with a family in Mali, mainly because the Lady of the House expressed concern over the safety of the First Couch Cushions in close proximity to a camel. So off to his adoptive family the camel went, destined for a life of ease.

Or not.

Here is where the Defence Minister came in, as he was charged with giving the President regular updates on the camel's welfare:

DM: Sir, the First Camel seems to have adjusted to its new home and is happily eating the couch cushions.

Pres: Eating the...couch cushions, Jean-Yves?

DM: I understand they are a delicacy to camels, sir.

Pres: Ah.

Lady of the House: I knew camels were bad for cushions!

DM: Uh, I can tell you more about the First Camel's digestive system if you like, sir --

Pres: Thank you, Jean-Yves, I think that will suffice for news of the camel today.

DM: Yes, sir.

At some point things took a very wrong turn for the First Camel, who was, sources, say, "eaten by his host family." This was in clear violation of the camel's diplomatic immunity, and Mali officials moved quickly to avert any international incident over the event. They proclaimed themselves ashamed, and promised that a replacement camel would immediately be provided, and that it would be "bigger and better looking."

Once this information was relayed to the Defence Minister, an emergency meeting of the French Council of Bad News was probably called, and search made in the presidential records for any precedence for handling this situation. Finding none, the Council worked furiously to craft a statement for the Defence Minister to relay to the President.

DM: We regret to inform you, sir, that the dromedarial bestowal made by you upon certain Mali personages  is now moribund and has been subsumed into the trustees' personages.

Pres: My what is where, now?

DM: Your camel's been eaten, sir.

Lady of the House: Thank goodness! At least I won't have to worry about the cushions.

DM: They're going to replace it, of course, sir.

Pres: Yes, of course...I don't suppose we'll want to send it to the same family, though...

DM: Actually, they're sending it here for safekeeping.

Lady of the House: Noooooooooo...

Strike one task off the busy Defence Minister's list, and add another:

3. Defend the First Couch Cushions from the First Camel

*Exotic gifts are apparently not uncommon in bestowal upon heads of state, although few, perhaps, meet with the fate of this particular gift. In the US, heads of state are prohibited by law from accepting gifts over a certain monetary value, and also from anything that "might be destructive to the White House cushions."