To list or not

A Female Relative asked a Tiny Person in the family, whose birthday is approaching, whether she had a list made out. The Tiny Person was not sure what this meant.

"You know, a list of what gifts you would like," the Female Relative explained. "Like at Christmas."

"Oh," the Tiny Person said, her voice brightening. "I'll get right on it."

When it comes to gifts, there are two groups* of people: those in the List camp, and those in the Freewill Offering camp.

List people prefer to exchange lists of gift ideas among themselves, believing that in this manner they can present, or receive, a gift that is truly wanted and useful to the recipient.

Such a practice, however, is regarded by Freewill Offerers as the height of greediness. They prefer a gift that comes entirely out of the giver's imagination,** a gift that the recipient will display appreciatively until such time as the item can be safely thrown away without the giver's knowledge, owing to its hideousness or utter lack of usefulness or because the giver, working without benefit of a list, has given the recipient the same item for the last three years.

It can be difficult for members of each group to understand the benefits of the other method of gift giving. Individuals in the Freewill Offering group, for instance, if forced to offer specific suggestions for things they would like, are likely to grumble and complain and turn out something like the following;

1. Happiness

2. Joy 

3. Peace on Earth

To which the list asker is likely to reply, "So, you want Santa, eh?"

I personally keep a list year-round, as you never know when you might be called upon to offer ideas to someone who simply insists that they must get you a little something for, say, May Day. I have never been called upon to use the list in this fashion, but theoretically speaking it could happen.

The Hero is acquainted with the location of my list, and has on occasion, when it has not been updated, frowned and inquired why the list is blank.

Despite the fact that he came into our marriage squarely in the Freewill Offering camp, he has gradually come to see the advantages of a gift list, both for the giver and recipient. How else would he have ever received the Air Hogs Heli Replay Radio Control Helicopter set he asked for one year, which provided so many happy hours of enjoyment on Christmas Day and which also provided the perfect excuse to not have to help clean up after the gift giving was over?

And without my lists, how would he have been able to successfully avoid that terrible quicksand that husbands, in particular, are so apt to fall into: the Perils of Unwise Gifts?***

The optimist side of him will likely always be a Freewill Offerer, but the pragmatic side will continue to seek and write lists. And now, if you will excuse me, National All-or-Nothing Day is coming up on the 27th. I must get on my list right away, or I may wind up with nothing.

*There is actually a third group, the Passive-Aggressive Scrooge group, whose members insist that they do not want any gifts, do not NEED any gifts, and then are quite put out when they do not get any gifts. 

**or basement

***This basically includes anything that husbands think their wives should have.