The young and restless in Alaska

At this time of year many animals are in hibernation, sleeping away in caves, dens, dead trees, on basement couches, etc. Hibernation saves energy, as an animal lives off the stores it has taken in before hibernating, thereby also saving on food bills. I'm sure if my mother had thought she could convince US to hibernate during the winter when we were growing up, she would have fixed up five little cozy dens and shooed us inside. The money she could have saved on food!

But at least one bear in Juneau, Alaska -- a location where, quite frankly, I would be only too glad to hibernate -- is reported to be "resisting" hibernation this winter. Instead of sleeping, the bear has been making the rounds of local bird feeders and garbage cans. It even celebrated New Year's Eve by, according to police, "going from garbage can to garbage can."

These facts give us some important clues to the bear's identity. Consider: It doesn't go to bed on everyone else's schedule, is insatiably hungry, ravages for junk food wherever it can, and enjoys partying. Therefore, the bear is

A) confused
B) deranged
C) a juvenile male

Clearly, C.

Eventually this young male will need something besides food to entertain him, such as Sports Illustrated or an F-150. Or even a basketball. If someone in Juneau were to look closely, they would probably notice a basketball or two missing from their garage. And if the animal control people were to try to surround the bear, he would probably think -- assuming he is in a good mood from all that food -- that they were interested in a game of hoops. And being in a good mood, he would be happy to engage them.

No doubt his mother tried to talk some sense into him before embarking on her own long winter's nap. And gave up. "I tried to send him to his room, Henry. YOU talk to him. He's your son."

And Henry probably did, to no avail. Now the young bear roams freely, happily, with no restraints, no curfew, no detention.

But also, no young female bears. Sometime, the bear is going to realize that the solitary life -- although it has the advantage of not having to share one's food -- is a little lonely. So maybe he'll lope back to the den where he is supposed to be napping, and dream of a lovely young she-bear. And plenty of fried chicken bones.