Best of times, worst of times

It has probably not been apparent these past several years of blog postings, but the Hero and Princess appreciate simple moments. As in, they are easily amused. One indication of this is that they often pick up phrases they hear, and for several weeks they might use one to such an extent as to catapult it to The New York Times List of Most-Used Phrases, were there such a thing.

Our current obsession comes courtesy of the very clever author of a children's chapter book titled The Tale of Two Guinea Pigs. It follows the antics and tribulations of two guinea pigs named Teddy and Pip as they cope with the absence of their owner, Amelia, and the person who is—according to the pigs—so woefully taking care of them in her stead.

(Here we should disclose that our sole knowledge of this book comes from a few tidbits hurled our way by relatives familiar with the book. Any misrepresentation of the book or its characters, therefore, while unintended, is quite possible but NOT our fault.)

The pigs’ approval of their substitute caretaker appears to hinge mainly on whether she a) allows them to do what they wish and b) gives them yummy food that is EXACTLY what their real caretaker usually gives them. Their disapproval stems from the substitute caretaker performing c) none of the above.

When things are going their way, they do not say, “Things are good!” Rather, they chorus, “IT IS BEST OF TIMES!”

And when things are not so rosy, they do not say, “Things are not so rosy.” They gather up their furry selves and capitalize their disgruntlement with all their might: “IT IS WORST OF TIMES!”

You can see where this is going. The Hero and Princess, charmed by these fictional guinea pigs—she by the adorableness of anthropomorphism and capitalized speech, and he by the shedding of unnecessary words—have adopted these phrases and look for every possible excuse to use them:

When they manage to hang on to the video game football flag and amble over the goal line without an interception: “BEST OF TIMES!”

When the Hero is caught in the crosshairs of the Princess’s hair spray: “WORST OF TIMES!”

When the Princess finds herself .07 miles from home and totally out of beverages in the car: “WORST OF TIMES!"

When they hit snooze for the 37th time and roll over yet again: “BEST OF TIMES!”

IF they are awake enough.

So thank you, Teddy and Pip. Once the charm of these phrases wear off, we might just have to read the rest of your book to find more. We're sure it will be BEST OF TIMES!