Today we bring you breaking news in a developing situation on the back porch of the Gallant Hero and the Prissy Princess. For several days, they have been keeping a careful eye on three pumpkins sitting on their steps.
"What's the situation?"
"There are chunks missing from P1, P2, and P3. Doesn't look good."
"Damage from the ladder fall, you think?"
"No, the pattern of breaks looks more like the work of a predator. He leaves no trail, though."
"Well, keep an eye on it."
All is quiet during the days work is being done on the patio, which joins the porch. Then, suddenly, there is another development: pumpkin guts lie all the new patio.
"P1 is breached; we'd better get a crew down here to clean it up. Looks like whoever's responsible got away with some of the material inside."
"Destroy P1; it's no use to us any longer, and it will only encourage him to come back. Let's get everyone on this so we can catch this guy. And beef up security around P2 and P3."
There is some discussion on possible parties responsible for the intrusion. Suggestions for likely candidates are offered by interested co-workers, neighbors, CIA agents, etc. The perpetrator is given a code name: The Elusive Pumpkin Eater.
The day after P1 is removed, he strikes again.
"P2 was discovered at 1700 hours on the lower steps of the yard. One side is severely scarred, but it has not been breached."
"Whoever did this was not happy to find P1 missing. The Elusive Pumpkin Eater is leaving us a message."
There is a sudden commotion in the command room.
"There's been a sighting of the perp! The suspect is about a foot and a half long with a bushy tail. Looks like the same guy suspected in the Tomato Heist a few weeks ago."
"Did he say anything?"
"Yeah, we got a recording. Sounds like CHHKKLLL CHHKKLL CHHKKLL."
"Hmmm, doesn't resemble anything we have on file...this guy is bold. Strikes in broad daylight and doesn't care if he's seen."
"What should we do?"
"P2 is compromised, and we can't risk further damage to it. It must be destroyed. And move P3 to a more secure location. We can't risk him getting that one, too."
P3 is moved to the front porch in the hopes of confusing the suspect. The suspect's code name is changed from The Elusive Pumpkin Eater to Bob the Squirrel.
Things are quiet for a few days. Then...
"We've just received a message. We think it may be from Bob the Squirrel."
"Why?"
"It's, um, written in pumpkin seeds. Analysis confirms the seeds are from P1 and P2."
"Well?"
"It says, 'You may have won this time. But I'll be back next year.' "
"Sounds like our ruse worked...anything else?"
"Yeah...it looks like it says 'P.S. Got any more tomatoes?' "
1 comment:
i came home one night as i approached the tree i heard this frantic loud chkl chkl chkl chkl and looked up to see this wild eye'd squirrel with his mouth projected as a large megaphone proclaiming what every it was he was proclaiming. Now coming from the mid-west, we're not use to this - in the mid west squirrels don't make noise they just skuttle around like todlers wired from too much sugar and a triple shot of espresso. But recalling Jimmy Carter was once attached by a rabbit while rowing a little boat - i took no chances and dashed in the house. only to peer out from the protection of our window to this militant and soon to be pumpkin eating squirrel. I'm just glad it was the pumpkins and not us.
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