Mis(sed)-communication

Many couples, due to their busy lives, find that they must schedule time to have conversations with each other on important topics, such as whether they have three children (which is what they have always thought), and if so why there are six in the kitchen at the present moment, all clamoring to be fed.

In our case, our varied preferences in times for getting up and for going to bed mean that Joe and I have a tiny window of time when we can optimally comprehend each other's conversation. This window of time is approximately 7:13-7:52 p.m. Outside of this time slot our ability to communicate coherently is several compromised, and any conversation attempted must be repeated later. This can be seen in the following examples.

"Good morning, sweetie," I say brightly one morning, as I do on most mornings.

He mumbles something that might be "Morning," or possibly "Caffeine, I need caffeine."

This type of response in no way intimidates or deters a morning person, which I have inexplicably become after many years of being a mumbler myself before 10 a.m. It only makes us more determined to help the other person become coherent. So I press on.

"Did you sleep good?" I inquire.

"Uh huh."

Before I can continue this scintillating conversation, he leaves the room. He is back a few minutes later. "Good morning!" he says cheerily.

I look around to see if there is anyone else he might be talking to. "Didn't we already have this conversation?" I ask.

"Yeah, but I wasn't ready for it yet," he says.

Later in the day, during our window of optimal mutual comprehension, he informs me of his plans to keep inflicting damage to the family room wall in his quest to liberate the fireplace hidden behind it.

Alarmed, I tell him we need to talk about this.

"We already did," he says.

"When?"

"Last night."

"When last night?"

He is vague on the exact time, but I gather it was well after I had gone to sleep.

"I was already asleep," I say. "You must have been talking to someone else."

But he insists that it was me. "I told you that it would be really easy to keep working on the fireplace if I made some handles on a piece of plywood and fit it into the opening when I'm not working on it. It would look much better than just sticking a slab of wood there."

"And what did I say?"

"You said it sounded like a terrific idea."

"I wasn't ready for that conversation," I declare. "We'd better have it again. And NOT at 2 a.m.," I clarify. "7:34 tomorrow night should work."