Ants without a purpose

We have had reason lately to seek out remedies for dealing with ants -- about 563 reasons, which is the approximate number of ants that have moved in with us over the past few days. They have come uninvited and unannounced, and expect us to provide food, entertainment, bathing facilities, opportunities for meeting ants of the opposite sex, etc.

"At least that's one good thing about spiders," I told Joe. "When they come to visit, they don't bring 500 of their closest friends and relatives along."

Joe studied the ants intently, as he does all problems that require a solution, and announced that everything we have previously thought about ants -- that they are diligent workers, that they have extrasensory perception when it comes to finding sugar in one's house, that they are excellent line dancers, etc. -- does not apply to our ants.

"These ants have no idea what they're doing," he said. "They just wander around in different directions. No one's taking charge. There's no order. There's food around, but they've been here for three days and haven't found it yet." (Editorial note: Although it may sound this way, Joe is not actually advocating that the ants DO find our food.)

"This tells me something," he said.

"What does it tell you?"

"That these ants have no purpose."

So there you have it. We have been invaded by ants pursuing a Purposeless-Driven Life. Whatever their mission is, they have evidently chosen not to accept it, preferring instead a life of idleness and aimless wandering. They have not taken stock of their talents and abilities and pondered how they might put these to use for the good of the rest of the clan, like getting food so they can all survive.

The Purposeless-Driven Ants may not know enough to have located our mother lode of food, but they do know what not to touch: the ant traps. They look at the little white plastic mounds with their inviting entrances, entrances that whisper of hidden treasures within. The ants look at them, laugh, and go on their way.

"See?" I say to the ants, pointing to the picture on the package of ant traps. "This is what you're supposed to do. Crawl in the little holes, like this happy ant in the picture, and then go tell your queen what you found. I'm sure she'll want to know all about it."

The ants laugh some more. And continue to pursue their Purposeless-Driven Life.