The envying of sea cucumbers

The sea cucumber was invented specifically to impress boys of a certain age. When threatened, the sea cucumber throws out its insides in an effort to confuse its enemies. While the enemies are puking out their own innards in response to this, the sea cucumber can retreat to a safe, secluded area, such as a sea cucumber spa, in order to regenerate the parts it has lost.

Were boys to possess this trait, it could be very helpful in the average young boy's life, such as when he is threatened with dire consequences if he doesn't finish his dinner:

Parent (in threatening tone): You'd better eat that all up, young man, or else.

Other parent (anxiously): Uh, maybe we'd better not --

Boy: Oh yeah? If you're so concerned about my stomach, ya wanna SEE it? (thrusts out his torso and out pops his stomach)

Family (scattering quickly in desperate effort to reach the bathroom): EWWWWWWWW!

Boy: Well, guess I'll go grow a new stomach now.

Boys would also be impressed by the sea cucumber's ability to turn itself into a liquid and then back into a solid again. By doing so it can fit into small holes in a rock, and once it is inside and has turned back into its usual solid body, there is no pulling it out. This would be a helpful trait when, say, a boy is unable to utilize the family bathroom, due to an older sister hogging it. He could just pour himself into a hole in the door handle, or underneath the door, and turn himself back into his normal form on the other side of the door. This would no doubt result in the desired exodus of the sister and provide hours of entertainment for friends.

Another thing to appreciate about the sea cucumber, if you are a young boy, is that it is not very romantic. There is no kissing or other form of public display of affection. In fact, its reproductive process is described as "not very intimate." The sea cucumbers release sperm and eggs into the water, and the sperm and eggs sort of hang out and float around until they meet up, which, since the sperm and eggs are not equipped with GPS, could take a long time. There may be thousands of potential reproductive parts from sea cucumbers floating around in the ocean.

This method of reproduction requires large numbers of sea cucumbers in a particular area in order to be successful. Might we just say that, if you are swimming around in the ocean and happen to see a large herd of sea cucumbers, you might want to make yourself scarce.

Unless you are a boy of a certain age, in which case you will definitely want to stick around and watch for exploding stomachs.