We want you! But only if you can stay awake

In my ongoing job search I have noticed a number of ads for government jobs, as we live in close proximity to where the government operates, or at least where it carries out some reasonable facsimile thereof. Even if an ad didn't proclaim "This is a Government Job!" you could pretty much figure that out, mainly because of the government's obsession with numbers and percentages. Here are some examples.


Private sector ad
Candidate must have 8 years' experience.


Government ad
Candidate must have 8 years' experience, or 5 years' experience plus an advanced degree, or 3 years' experience plus advanced degree plus willingness to do some light housekeeping around the office, or some combination thereof that equals the magic number 8.


Private sector ad
Position will edit manuscripts.


Government ad
Position will work 50% time researching, editing, and proofreading content, 20% time working to launch digital communications, 12.5% finding experts to interview, 6.732% writing up what experts said, 3.46% getting experts' approval of what they said, 3.46% scrapping what experts said and making something up, and 1.2 % doing light housekeeping. If this does not equal 100%, position will be subject to audit.


Government jobs also tend to give a somewhat wider pay range, presumably to account for various skill and experience levels. A writer/editor ad for the navy recently announced a pay range of $17,000-$141,000. Presumably the candidates in that upper range will have 110 years' experience, plus several advanced degrees, plus a commitment to bring in chocolate chip cookies each week.


Of course, not everyone is eligible for particular government jobs. To make sure they are getting only highly qualified people, their ads usually say something like the following:


"Who is eligible for this job? YOU! As long as you are a U.S. citizen, a current federal employee, have super-duper security clearance, have an obsession with numbers and percentages, and make it all the way through this ad and the application process without falling asleep."


Having been through some of these applications, I can say that that last qualification will really separate the wheat from the chaff.


There may be other requirements as well. A national parks job ad warns that potential employees should be physically fit for the demands of its position:


"The employee is typically required to stand; walk; sit; use hands to finger, handle, or feel objects, tools, or controls; reach with hands and arms; talk or hear."


Sounds tough, but at least you are not required to both talk and hear at the same time.