Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Open wide and...bark?

Due to some complicated issue that I do not fully understand, a Male Relative is undergoing a procedure to have "tooth matter" implanted in his mouth. The tooth matter, as I understand it, will fill in a large depression and allow the tissue to grow around it to prevent infection. The Male Relative was describing this over the phone in some detail, and it is possible that my mind started to wander a bit, but I clearly heard him say the word "cadaver."


"Wait, what?" I said. 


"I said they're putting in a cadaver tooth," he said.


I pondered this. "I think if it were me, I would rather not know that."


"Well," he said, "they said I had a choice of a cadaver tooth or an animal tooth. I figured I should stick with my own species."


I agreed that this was probably a wise choice, although secretly the Hero and I were somewhat disappointed that the Male Relative did not go for the animal tooth. We wondered what might happen if one were implanted in his mouth.


"Feeling a little strange?" we could ask him if he had an animal tooth. "Have an urge to beat your chest and make ee-ee-ee sounds?" 


The Male Relative's Wife may have mentioned that he disappears into the woods for days at a time. "Sometimes I'll find him gnawing on a bone," she might have said, worriedly. "The cats hiss at him constantly."


But the cadaver tooth is not without interesting possibilities. Once it is implanted, will the Male Relative take on any of the former tooth owner's characteristics and knowledge? Will he, an avid exerciser and meticulous dresser, refuse to wear anything more fitted than baggy sweatpants and sit on the couch for hours watching reruns of Green Acres? Will he suddenly become fascinated with Renaissance festivals and start frequenting them in full period costume? Will he acquire a sudden, deep knowledge of prehistoric insects? Write horror stories about people implanted with cadaver parts?


Most likely there will be no such effects. After all, people receive transplants of various body organs all the time. Nevertheless, we'll be watching him closely. The Male Relative has something of a history of medical near-mishaps, so if we notice him sneaking out of the house late at night when we go to visit, we'll know he got the wrong tooth. 

2 comments:

A Nosy Neighbor said...

I need to know if the cadaver tooth is the exact same size as the original tooth...And the color, what about the color? Is it a tooth with a filling? What's wrong with an artificial tooth made carefully from a mold by one's dentist? Oh, the questions that come to mind.

ilovecomics said...

The Male Relative declares that the tooth does not come in the form we generally think of, but as powder, and believes that it is mixed with water and "hardens like cement." I have asked the Male Relative to give me the name of his dentist so that I do not accidentally become a patient of this individual.