The waning days of dance lessons

I am sure that those of you who read this blog regularly will be relieved to know that, as our dance lessons are coming to an end this week, so too will the posts about our dance experiences. But not quite yet.


Taking these dance lessons has been not unlike being in a pet show, or a 4-H show, although let me hasten to say that we have no personal experience being entrants in these shows. But as we are practicing our steps at the studio, our instructor, Brandon, peers intently at our feet, our hand position, and our body lines to the point that we begin to worry. Are we good enough? Is he going to criticize us for something? Does he notice how awesome our hair looks today? etc.


But then Brandon's cheerful face brightens, and he gives us his standard critique: "Awesome!"


We have the feeling that this would still be his reaction were we to begin tripping over each other, bumping into things, bumping into him, etc. 


In light of our experience we feel somewhat qualified to offer advice to other beginning dancers. The best thing to do, short of actual talent, is to find other couples who dance even less well than you do, and hang around them. This will, with very little effort on your part, instantly make you feel quite accomplished.


Unfortunately we may be that couple for the others in our group. But we can proudly say that we have only trod upon each other's feet, which is generally discouraged, one time, and we believe no one witnessed this incident. 


In the group lessons we are encouraged to dance with different partners from song to song. The Hero and I try to avoid this at all costs, for example, pretending to be deaf when these instructions are given. Somehow, the instructor and other dancers have figured out that we are NOT deaf. We therefore occasionally find ourselves obliged to dance with a stranger.


It can be a little awkward to be in such close proximity to a stranger. Therefore it is a good idea to have something to say to the person, such as "How are you enjoying the lessons?" "Why did you decide to take lessons?" "Do you always step on people's feet like that?"


Some people handle the awkwardness by ignoring altogether the fact that the other person is merely a few inches away from them. One of the male dance instructors has perfected this technique, carrying on extensive conversations about what type of dances you enjoy the most, whether you are having trouble with any steps, and what you like to do in your free time, all while looking off into the distance across your right shoulder.


You should probably not attempt to alter this behavior, for instance by moving your head around to try to force the person to make eye contact. This would violate the Polite Dance Partner Behavior Code, which allows for occasional trodding on feet but NOT attempted coercion to make eye contact. 


Some couples have NO conversation whatsoever as they are dancing. As awkward as strained conversation can be between strangers -- the Hero reported that he and his dance partner spent an entire waltz discussing Groupons -- silence can be even more awkward. You feel as if you have entered an alternative time universe, similar to what happens when men wait for women to come out of a public restroom, or a fitting room. 


To help us get the most out of our lessons, the Hero and I try to practice our steps at home. This presents a challenge, as our rooms are very tiny, and after two or three steps we find ourselves apologizing to the dishwasher and other immovable objects with which we have made contact. Someday, if we improve in this regard we may write a book on How to Dance in Four Square Feet of Space or Less. We'll be sure to get a back-of-the-book endorsement from Brandon, which no doubt will be: "Awesome!"