A short guide to Spring Break DC

Spring break has arrived for many schools, and families everywhere are embarking on the traditional spring break vacation. If you are fortunate, your family firmly believes that this time should be spent doing things of family togetherness, preferably while gathered on a warm, sandy beach. If you are not fortunate, well, you are probably familiar with the other type of spring break trip: the Educational Vacation.


The Educational Vacation is looked upon by many parents as a way to expose their children to learning opportunities they might not necessarily have in school. The Educational Vacation is looked upon by many children with dread, largely because "learning opportunities" sounds very similar, in child speak, to BORING, and also because on Educational Vacations Dad insists on being out of the hotel and doing Educational Things by 5:37 a.m. each morning.


The nation's capital offers a great many opportunities to learn not only about the government but also about the vagaries of its subway system, 62 percent of which is down for maintenance at any given time during tourist season. Because of the intellectual nature of many area attractions -- museums, memorials, Congress -- it is best to bring children along when they are mature enough to appreciate what they are seeing. Most children reach this maturity at about age 27 (possibly slightly higher for males).


Certain Relatives came to Washington this week with their children, who are somewhere under the recommended age of 27 but nevertheless quite mature. Based on their experiences, and those of other families with children, I have compiled a brief but possibly helpful guide about what to see and do in DC with your family.


1. Any restaurant with pizza and/or giant brownie sundaes. Food is a highly cultural thing, and your children are likely to want as much of this culture as you will allow. A Young Person in the visiting Relatives' family declared that the ginormous brownie sundaes at a particular Washington establishment were by far his favorite activity on this trip.


2. Fun vehicles to ride around in. Many cities have adapted various vehicles for tourist purposes, such as the Duck Boat. The Duck Boat came about after a large, boat-looking duck suddenly emerged from the harbor one day in Boston with instructions from other, non-boat-looking ducks to "never come back." Passengers on Duck Boats are given duck whistles, which your children will want to use, and which they will try to sneak into the White House tour. Trolleys are also a hit with Young Persons. They particularly enjoy sitting on the top of a double-decker trolley when it is 103 degrees outside. Warning: Many Young Persons, once aboard a Duck Boat or trolley, will not see the necessity of disembarking. Using them as actual transport to another spot is a foreign idea, and one that it is best not to insist upon. 


3. Anyplace with souvenirs, including but not limited to CVS drug stores and streets. Your children will likely be eager to take something back to remind them of their visit to the nation's capital, such as a lone cherry blossom they found on the sidewalk, trodden upon by countless dirty shoes and pretty much indistinguishable, to the naked eye, from a dead bug.


4. Museums with hands-on activities. Learning is most fun and meaningful for children when they can interact directly with materials on display, such as pulling an emergency exit alarm at the National History Museum. 


5. Hotel with pool. [Note: This is mandatory when visiting any large city with Young Persons.] Hands down, this is the most popular attraction on family vacations. Moms and dads may feel dismayed at this, having generally spent large amounts of money for the family to see more unique things. But don't despair. Next year, just book a hotel in your local city, leave your children there for a week to enjoy the pool, and go visit DC without them. You and your spouse will be able to do all the things you couldn't when the kids were with you, like have an entire ginormous brownie sundae to yourselves.