The Hero enjoys reading and watching tales of people who have persevered through adversity and overcome their difficult circumstances, such as thinking the last vestige of ice cream in the house is gone, only to ferret out one last, freezer-burned mouthful in the carton in the bottom of the freezer.
These inspirational stories sometimes motivate him to make changes in his own life. After I told him about a story I read involving a young man who was paralyzed and his helper monkey, the Hero said thoughtfully, "I think WE should get a monkey."
It was not immediately clear whether one of us would have to be severely injured in order to obtain a monkey.
In a recent survey of Americans, respondents were asked various questions about pets. Of those who said they would like to own an exotic pet, most voted for a tiger or giraffe. 18% said they would like a dinosaur.*
No apparent effort was made by surveyors to ascertain whether respondents believed that dinosaurs are still alive and, therefore, possible candidates for petship. It seems logical to imagine that if they were alive, there would necessarily be rather extensive questionnaires to fill out before one could just be handed a dinosaur to take home:
1. Why do you want to own a dinosaur? Choose all that apply.
A. I want to help bring back a majestic species.
B. I want to set up my own Jurassic Park in the back yard.
C. It's either that or a goldfish.
2. Where would you house a dinosaur?
A. In the back yard.
B. In my neighbor's back yard.
C. I was thinking the basement.
D. In my mother-in-law's place.
3. What resources do you have that would enable you to properly care for a pet dinosaur, IF you were granted permission to own one?
A. Lots of trees on my property.
B. A neighbor with lots of trees.
C. A really, really big collar.
D. Five kids to give the dinosaur a bath every month.
4. Do you have any experience disciplining pets?
A. I have two Dobermans, four Rottweilers, a pit bull, and one leg.
B. My pet rock is pretty well behaved.
C. Those five kids I mentioned...
5. Of the names listed below, which would you be most likely to choose for your pet dinosaur, IF you were granted permission to own one?
A. Duke.
B. Methuselah.
C. Flopsy.
D. Anything but Dino.
So, there could be more awkward pets than a monkey. I'll know it's time to worry if I see a really, really, big collar lying around our house.
*This was the same percentage, incidentally, who said they believe that the Loch Ness monster is real, although there is no evidence of any overlap between these two groups.
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