Have food, will share (and share, and share, and...)

We are disappointed to report that we completely missed National Cereal Day, which was March 7. According to one survey, each morning 49% of Americans "wake up and eat cereal." The other 51%, apparently, prefer to eat their cereal first and THEN wake up. And why not? This is how millions drink their morning coffee.

I realize that many parts of the world experience food shortages, and today's post is in no wise intended to make light of that fact. Indeed, if there were a way I could ship off the entire contents of our refrigerator right now to some needy persons, I would. I wouldn't even open the fridge and take the items out; I would just send the whole thing along intact.

This is because we CAN'T open the fridge. To do so would set off an avalanche of vegetables, dairy, fruit, cheese, and leftovers, under which we would be buried alive. (True, we could probably STAY alive under there for quite some time, given the provisions and assuming we survived the initial assault.)

This situation is not really our fault. Our CSA has run amok, stuffing enough food into our weekly baskets to feed all those terra cotta soldiers standing guard in Qin Shi Huangdi's tomb in China should they suddenly feel a need to consume broccoli, beets and beet greens, Belgian endive, curly endive, straight endive, spinach, cabbages that weigh nearly 8 pounds each, butternut squash*, grapefruit, oranges, apples, pears, eggs, big turnips, little turnips, in-between turnips -- the list goes on.

"Maybe we should get a dog," I say to the a Hero, looking helplessly at all the food in the fridge and on the counter. "We could use some help."

Trekking through the grocery store for the few items we do not get from the CSA but that are necessary**, I spy an entire cart full of cabbages. SMALL cabbages. Cute cabbages, even. Cabbages meant for two people. I look at them with envy. I want to hug them.

"THESE are the cabbages we should be getting," I declare to the Hero. "But no, WE get mega-cabbages."

"We'd better eat our cabbage up," the Hero reminds me. "We might get another one next week."

"Nooooooo," I wail pitifully.

And spring isn't even here yet. We shudder at the thought of what our future baskets might contain. If we're lucky, one of them will include a second refrigerator.

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*We had taken to affectionately naming all our butternut squash "Bert," and now find ourselves having to sub-name them: Bert 1, Bert 2, Bert 634, etc.

**muffins