Welcome to January, the National Month of Guilt. This holiday is celebrated by many in remembrance of all the eggnog and gingerbread and fruitcake indulged in over the holiday season, and also in forgettance of all the new year's resolutions made just a few days ago -- indeed, in some case just a few moments ago.
This holiday is afforded an entire month because we, as Americans, do guilt. Big. A National DAY of Guilt would not be nearly enough to dwell on our individual and collective neglect of self-discipline and contentment. Many of us indulged for an entire month, and it is only fitting, we tell ourselves, that we should spend an entire month beating ourselves with the Stick of Guilt.
This year our daily newspaper evidently decided that its readers are not beating themselves hard enough with that stick. It ran an ad with a large headline declaring "New Year's Resolution #1: Eat healthier." What followed was not sensible ways to keep this resolution, or even an ad for health food. It was an ad for DOG food.
Apparently it is not enough that we should feel guilty for behavior that affects ourselves. Now we must feel a weighty responsibility for those dependent on us. Clearly, the newspaper was implying, we have dragged those least able to resist down with us into the morass of bad habits. We must pay not only on behalf of ourselves but also on behalf of our pets. More resolutions to make! More to go unfulfilled!
Fido, go fetch that Stick of Guilt. Looks like we're gonna need it.
2 comments:
Because of my overindulgences in the month of December, I propose a Year of Guilt, as I will need at least that amount of time to rectify all the harm that I have accomplished. Pass the Guilt Stick, please.
Thank you.
My, you were busy over the holidays! The Guilt Stick is on its way, although I'm not sure how long it will last in the Freezing Tundra up there...
Post a Comment