The Princess has embarked on a quest to write the Great
American Mystery novel, or failing that, to at least not embarrass herself in
front of fellow students in her new mystery writing class online. And to not
make the instructor fervently wish that she had chosen some other occupation,
ANY occupation. Like maybe being a stunt double for a pregnant rhino.
Currently the class is focusing on developing characters, and also plot so that the characters are not bored. The students have learned that characters should be as believable as possible, and therefore they are often based on real people. Friends and associates of the Princess will be happy to know that they themselves may appear, at least in some version, in her writings during this class. They may be surprised, however, to find that they MIGHT not survive the story. This is, after all, a mystery writing class.
The Hero is solidly behind the Princess in her new endeavor, the better to keep an eye on her in case she should feel the need to try out some method of bumping off an unsuspecting victim. He has offered much helpful advice, most of which boils down to "Kill someone OTHER than the husband. Maybe there doesn't even NEED to be a husband in the story. That way he can't get hurt."
There are many ways of approaching a story, but the Princess seems, at this early date, to have settled into the following writing routine:
1) Gather as many writing books as possible and read through them for helpful direction.
2) Skip over the parts in the books that say, "Writing is hard work."
3) Search mind for inspiration. Failing that, search memory. Then last two months of news stories. Snoopy's Guide to Writing ("It was a dark and stormy night." "The."). Dove candy bar wrapper ("Take time to relax and pamper yourself." Ah! Some advice she actually finds useful).
4) Desperately order more inspirationally wrapped Dove candy bars from Mars Corporation. Several cases of a thousand would not be too many.
5) Finally, on the brink of lateness, turn in story idea that includes rabbits, aprons, rolling pins, and late rabbit husbands.
Clearly the world is not quite ready for the likes of whodunits according to the Princess, but she is determined to learn the craft of writing mysteries. She would prefer that there be no violence in her stories, a sentiment shared by a fellow student who admits that although he enjoys reading more "hard-core" crime stories (defined as stories with a firm ban on bunnies and rolling pins), he has no desire to write such stories. Hence, they both have consigned themselves to writing cozy mysteries, which are not nearly so scary as other mysteries because they usually involve an amateur sleuth who is just a normal, human being, such as you might live next door to, whose habit it is to encounter bodies of the previously living, who were themselves, in life, normal human beings such as might live next door to...the amateur sleuth.
See? Nothing scary there.
Some of the other students in the class shared that they sometimes get past their writer's block by getting out and "walking where their protagonist walks." They might visit a museum, a bar, a coffee shop. Talk to poodles or people wearing wigs. The Princess immediately began to plan a story that takes place in Hawaii, or possibly Fuji, and suggested to the Hero that if she was going to really succeed at this business of writing, she simply MUST walk where her characters walk. Beaches at sunset. Dormant volcanoes. Etc.
The Hero, ever supportive, is all for it. As long as someone else gets bumped off.
Currently the class is focusing on developing characters, and also plot so that the characters are not bored. The students have learned that characters should be as believable as possible, and therefore they are often based on real people. Friends and associates of the Princess will be happy to know that they themselves may appear, at least in some version, in her writings during this class. They may be surprised, however, to find that they MIGHT not survive the story. This is, after all, a mystery writing class.
The Hero is solidly behind the Princess in her new endeavor, the better to keep an eye on her in case she should feel the need to try out some method of bumping off an unsuspecting victim. He has offered much helpful advice, most of which boils down to "Kill someone OTHER than the husband. Maybe there doesn't even NEED to be a husband in the story. That way he can't get hurt."
There are many ways of approaching a story, but the Princess seems, at this early date, to have settled into the following writing routine:
1) Gather as many writing books as possible and read through them for helpful direction.
2) Skip over the parts in the books that say, "Writing is hard work."
3) Search mind for inspiration. Failing that, search memory. Then last two months of news stories. Snoopy's Guide to Writing ("It was a dark and stormy night." "The."). Dove candy bar wrapper ("Take time to relax and pamper yourself." Ah! Some advice she actually finds useful).
4) Desperately order more inspirationally wrapped Dove candy bars from Mars Corporation. Several cases of a thousand would not be too many.
5) Finally, on the brink of lateness, turn in story idea that includes rabbits, aprons, rolling pins, and late rabbit husbands.
Clearly the world is not quite ready for the likes of whodunits according to the Princess, but she is determined to learn the craft of writing mysteries. She would prefer that there be no violence in her stories, a sentiment shared by a fellow student who admits that although he enjoys reading more "hard-core" crime stories (defined as stories with a firm ban on bunnies and rolling pins), he has no desire to write such stories. Hence, they both have consigned themselves to writing cozy mysteries, which are not nearly so scary as other mysteries because they usually involve an amateur sleuth who is just a normal, human being, such as you might live next door to, whose habit it is to encounter bodies of the previously living, who were themselves, in life, normal human beings such as might live next door to...the amateur sleuth.
See? Nothing scary there.
Some of the other students in the class shared that they sometimes get past their writer's block by getting out and "walking where their protagonist walks." They might visit a museum, a bar, a coffee shop. Talk to poodles or people wearing wigs. The Princess immediately began to plan a story that takes place in Hawaii, or possibly Fuji, and suggested to the Hero that if she was going to really succeed at this business of writing, she simply MUST walk where her characters walk. Beaches at sunset. Dormant volcanoes. Etc.
The Hero, ever supportive, is all for it. As long as someone else gets bumped off.
3 comments:
Perhaps the mystery needn't include any bloodshed at all. A far more benign but yet intriguing disappearance of an inanimate object could prove superior. I'm thinking of something like, "The Strange Disappearance of the Purple Couches."
inanimate object....my cushions. Purple couches of the world need to unite and put a stop to this tom foolery. Purple couches have feelings too. Don't expect to find too many lost coins in your purple couch cushions when you go throwing around attitude like that.
The Princess did suggest to her instructor a story about a plant, which is generally considered to be inanimate, suddenly and mysteriously trading places with a person. Perhaps it does not come as a surprise that the Princess was gently steered away from this topic. As for the purple couches, it's a good thing their disappearance occurred BEFORE the joining of households...
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