His work, her work

It's important for couples to equitably split the work involved in running a household. According to the Bureau of Fairness at Home, men who share in the housework tend to live longer, as they are not getting constantly walloped on the head with rolling pins and other blunt instruments.

Take the disposal of unwanted critters, for instance. Tradition dictates that this is the duty of the man of the household, because women tend to scream at the sight of creepy crawlies, which is totally ineffectual at removing them other than to summon the man to take care of the situation.

But this is not to say the woman can't help out a bit. In our house, for example, we split the duties when it comes to bugs. My job is to locate them, which I seem to have a natural knack for, and to lift the toilet lid for Joe to dispose of them. (Sorry, Maryland Wildlife and others of you who are nature lovers, we do not believe in recycling things with six or eight legs or returning them to their natural habitat, unless they happen to be right by the door.) This works out pretty well for us, especially for me, as it allows me to avoid any actual contact with the creepy crawlie in question.

It's also important to take into account each person's interests or skills in dividing up responsibilities. For instance, if you, as the woman, hate cooking and cleaning up a messy kitchen, clearly the solution is to eat out, because many husbands are known to be allergic to ingredients used in the kitchen, including pots and pans, ovens, dish towels, etc. (Though mysteriously, they are not known to have any negative reaction to the refrigerator.)

In our household, we have a very fair system of doing things. I ask Joe if he would like to put a load of laundry in, and he politely responds with a "no, thank you." In turn, he asks if I would like to empty the shop vac. "What does that involve?" I ask. (It's always a good idea to understand exactly what you are being asked to do , because once you agree to do it, it will be your job for life.)

And he proceeds to lay out the duty, which in this case involves removing the canister from the vac and emptying it in the garbage bag. "You mean the canister that has all those dead wasps you cleaned up from upstairs?" I inquire.

"Yeah," he says.

"No, thank you," I say politely.

Of course, there are always jobs that no one likes to do. In these cases, you should have children and train them to do those jobs. And until they are old enough to complete these jobs thoroughly, maybe you could get a really talented dog.