Adventures in Band-Aids

Because I had nothing better to do one day last week, I sliced through two of my fingernails with a serrated knife. Okay, I was actually supposed to be cutting a loaf of bread, but the fingers on my left hand -- apparently tiring of always having to play a supportive role while those on the right hand get to have all the fun -- got too close to the action.

So now I am waiting for the damaged nails to grow out, which is like waiting for lettuce to grow. In the meantime, I am becoming better acquainted with Band-Aids than ever before. I am not impressed. They do not stay where I put them. They are always coming off at the most inconvenient times, such as when making dinner or hunting through boxes of shoes at Kohl's. In exasperation I went to the store to find a better alternative.

There were sport Band-Aids, waterproof Band-Aids, sport AND waterproof Band-Aids. And then I saw them: 2X Band-Aids that use the same material as duct tape! Band-Aids that "stay on until you want them to come off." Yes! That's what I needed!

I have worn these things for one day. What the box really means by "the Band-Aids stay on until you want them to come off" is "until the Band-Aids have become a vital part of your circulatory system and must be surgically removed." There really is no need to have more than one per box, because you can't get the first one off to put another one on.

I expect that I will live out my days with eight normal fingernails and two stubs ending in flesh-colored duct tape. It will be interesting to see whether the new nail growth will be able to push through the Band-Aid, since I can't get it off. Or, I could attempt to cut bread again and hope that the Band-Aid gets in the way.