Chuka-chuka boom BOOM

In these days of global communication, it's important to know at least a smattering of a foreign language. You never know, for instance, when you will have to take a day off work to sit in the cramped office of your local mechanic, explaining the noise your car has been making. I, personally, would far rather have to drag myself into the emergency room, bleeding profusely from deep bear gashes in my side and head, than to attempt to describe to a mechanic the sound my car is making.

Here is a typical exchange between me and a car mechanic:

Mechanic: So, what kind of sound is the car making?
Me: Um, I'm not sure.
Mechanic: You said it's making a noise, right?
Me: Yes. Yes, it's definitely making a noise. And it's not a good one.
Mechanic: Can you be more specific?
Me: Um, maybe if this was a multiple-choice type of thing, I could tell you better.
Mechanic: What?
Me: Well, multiple-choice tests are always easier than open-ended essay questions, don't you think?
Mechanic: Ma'am, this isn't a test...
Me: If you could just give me a list of sounds to choose from, I'm sure I could pick it out.
Mechanic, sighing: How about if I ask you questions about the sound?
Me, looking dubious: Okay, I'll try, but I'm not very good at oral tests, either.
Mechanic, settling back: Is the car making a grinding noise?
Me: Um, what would that sound like?
Mechanic: Geerogherrrrr.
Me: Nope, that's not quite it.
Mechanic: Okay, how about whining?
Me: You want me to whine? My husband says I can do a pretty good--
Mechanic: I'm asking if your car is making a whining noise.
Me: What does it have to whine about? Sure, we don't have a garage for it, but--
Mechanic, hastily: What about squeaking? Is the car squeaking? Or squealing?
Me, frowning in concentration: I don't think so.
Mechanic: Would you say it's a high-pitched noise?
Me: No, I'd say it's more middle-C.
Mechanic, reaching for Tums: How about this: tuckaTHUCKtuckaTHUCKtucka?
Me: No, but that's kinda close...more like...chuka-chuka-chuka.
Mechanic: Chuka-chuka-chuka?
Me: Yeah, you know, like a bike changing gears!
Mechanic: A bike changing gears.
Me: Yeah!
Mechanic: So, a ratcheting sound?
Me, uncertainly: I guess so. But there's something else...
Mechanic: Something else along with the ratcheting?
Me: Yeah...could you give some more choices?
Mechanic, sighing heavily: Grrrgulagrrgul vum wum wum...
Me, considering: Hmmm, I kinda like that one. Could you make it again?
Mechanic, reaching for aspirin: How about puhVROOpuhHOOpuhVROOpuhHOO, or floovb floovb floovb vwomp vwomp vwomp, or nnYinn nnYinn nnnyonggg nnnyonggg, or--
Me, jumping up and knocking over chair: That's it!
Mechanic, spilling aspirin all over desk: What's it?
Me: That floovb vwomp sound you said!
Mechanic: Floovb floovb floovb vwomp vwomp vwomp?
Me: Yes!
Mechanic: So let's see if I've got this straight. Your car sounds like chuka-chuka-chuka floovb floovb floovb vwomp vwomp vwomp?
Me: Yes! Yes! That's it!
Mechanic, beaming: Congratulations, ma'am, your car is in labor!