"Your hidden talents will remain hidden!"

I thought the little sayings on Valentine candy hearts were bad ("go fish," "chill out") and on fortune cookie fortunes ("be mischievous and you will not be lonesome," "you are always on our minds" [WHOSE minds??]). The little notes that come in Dove candy bars rank right up there in the dorky department. It's like there were two people making them up, and they couldn't agree on whether they should write little fluffy sayings about life (WHOSE life, I'm not sure) or stuff about chocolate. So there are some of each. Here is a sampling:

"Chocolate loves you back." (Joe says, "What, by making us fat?")

"Sleep under the stars tonight." (And be sure to bring the Doves.)

"Watch the sun come up." (Stars, sun -- what is the fascination with nature?)

"A gentle touch speaks volumes." (Does this mean biting the chocolate in a nonthreatening manner?) ("I don't think they're talking about chocolate," Joe says.)

"Go where your heart takes you." (And make sure your head tells it to go get more chocolate.)

"Be a little mysterious." (Don't tell how many candies you ate?)

"Do something spontaneous." (Like stop eating chocolate?)

Okay, maybe some of them are not so bad, but I wonder who comes up with these sayings, and how they get that job.

These silly sayings by no means discourage me from eating the Dove bars. In fact, the more you eat of them, the more the sayings start to actually make some sense, like "Exercise your heart today," which clearly means "Eat more dark chocolate Doves -- they're good for you!"

And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go exercise my heart.