A gaggle of geese, a crash of rhinos

Today we are pleased to host a very scholarly discussion of the animal kingdom, thanks to our vast knowledge of how to find trivia on the Internet, and also to our boredom with human topics of interest of late.

Scientists who study animals have the job of making the animal kingdom, which is pretty simple when you think about it, extremely difficult to understand. For instance, if you, an ordinary citizen, were naming a group of, say, partridges, you would probably call them a group of partridges. But scientists, of course, do not think like ordinary citizens. They call a group of partridges a "clutch." But more than that, scientists have to have a different name for groupings of different animals. Pheasants cannot also be said to gather in a clutch, mainly because it does not make them sound pretty enough. So a group of pheasants (who are extremely vain) is called -- really -- a "bouquet."

Groups of both bees and ants, although typically referred to as "swarms" or "groups of bees or ants," are also known as "bikes." This is the REAL secret to how they can travel great distances and still get back to the nest in time for dinner. Also note that young bees are called "fry," as in "The young fry just don't sting like us old folks can."

More than one bullfinch is referred to as "illegal," and they can be ticketed for unlawful assembly. Well, not really. Actually a group of bullfinches is called a "bellowing." If you look up "bullfinch" to see whether it is a bird, a fish, or perhaps a bull, you will find this very helpful description at Wikipedia: "True bullfinches are thick-billed finches in the passerine family Fringillidae." Although enlightening, this definition does nothing to explain why a group of birds might be termed a "bellowing."

But let us not argue with esteemed scientists, who have also given us the term "rabble" to describe a group of butterflies. I myself have been compelled to call the police on several occasions to report rowdy group behavior among the butterflies in our yard. They've opened up little nectar bars, and there they hover, sipping their nectar and generally causing a nuisance.

Among rooks -- which are in the order passerine along with the bullfinches, although they are of a different family, commonly known as the MacPhersons -- you can take your pick of (actual) names for a grouping: a building, clamor, shoal, wing, congregation, or parliament. Rooks are further subdivided into (not actual) right-winged and left-winged parliaments.

If you want to be ordinary when you see birds flying south, you can go ahead and say, like everyone else, "There goes a flock of birds," but if you want to distinguish yourself from everyone else, say "There goes a dissimulation of birds!" Everyone will be very impressed with your knowledge. Or they will think you have been indulging at the nectar bars with the rabble of butterflies.

Mares used to be called, collectively, a "herd," but -- possibly because they wanted a break from being pursued by the opposite sex, or maybe just to mess with the stallions' minds --retermed themselves a "stud." This, of course, confused the stallions, causing them to strut on over to check out the parliaments of rooks.

A "knob" appears to be a term used for a small quantity of some animals, among them the pintail and the pochards. So if you are ever out to dinner at someone's house, and they offer you either pintail or pochards, you can say graciously, "Oh, just a knob of that, please." Do NOT, under any circumstances, inquire what a pintail or pochard is.

This is just a small sample of the vast, amazing world of clamors and dissimulations. We hope you have enjoyed today's presentation, and we look forward to bringing you more bellowing and rabble.

(And yes, a group of rhinos IS called a crash. A group of scientists -- well, you come up with something to describe them.)