A new threat to security

This blog generally does not concern itself with political topics, mainly because they make our head hurt. Every once in a while, however, an issue comes to light that must be addressed, no matter how complex. Today we have just such an issue: the failure of the Secret Service to protect the president from a reporter's flying shoes at a news conference in Iraq.

Luckily, the president is in excellent physical condition and was able, despite his agents' slowness, to avoid the incoming shoe missiles. Bush is known for being one of the fittest presidents ever, and even though he has taken some ribbing for sticking to his workout regimen no matter what is happening in the rest of the country, we now see the wisdom of this. It's as if he knew that someday, he was going to face a situation in which his safety would depend on his own quick reflexes. Possibly he has also had extensive practice dodging airborne objects precipitated by his wife.

Officials have of course defended the Secret Service agents' lack of action, because "We failed" was voted down as their motto. The participants in the conference had all been vigorously screened and searched multiple times, officials say. We expect that after this incident, further news conferences will be subject to Standard Inane Airline Security Screenings, in which shoes must be removed and inspected for Potential Airborne Missile Properties.

In response to this situation, several observations have been offered that should reassure us about the president's safety, although they may not reassure the president. One is that having reviewed the tapes of the incident, agents will no doubt make some adjustments, so that the next time a shoe is thrown at the president they will be able, while the shoe is in mid-flight, to get the make and shoe size. How this will help the president is not clear, but it would be a notable feat.

We are further encouraged that the agents did not shoot at the thrower, which, in the words of one official, would have caused "extensive collateral damage" in the crowded room. It is surprising, however, that no one thought to shoot at the shoes. This would have been a cool feat, too.

In their defense, the agents did manage to tackle the reporter after he threw the second shoe. It is not clear whether they thought he had a spare pair that he might start throwing, or possibly a medical condition involving a third foot.