You are entering a time warp

Although science would try to convince us that time is constant, and that any particular block of time is equal to any other block of time of the same amount, with all due respect to scientists, science is just wrong. It is well-known, for instance, that time warps occur in at least two common, everyday locales: the workplace, and womens' public restrooms.

On a typical workday, time changes once you enter your place of labor, such that while it seems that outside the building various kingdoms must be rising and falling and global climactic changes taking place, inside the building it is still not even lunchtime. One is stupefied, when one finally emerges at the end of the day, to find that things are pretty much as one left them earlier that day.

Joe asserts -- and no doubt many husbands would agree -- that the opposite type of time warp occurs when a woman enters a public restroom. During the time a woman is in the restroom, doing womanly things, the husband outside languishes, feeling his body gradually descend into old age and decay, and desperately making out his will in his mind for fear he will not get the chance to put it into writing. He despairs, knowing he will never see his own children grow to adulthood. Indeed, he firmly believes that by the time his wife emerges from the restroom, his children will be older than he is. When the woman does finally emerge, she cannot understand why her husband has fallen asleep again, when she was only in the restroom for five minutes.

Although, as the writer of Psalm 90 points out, a thousand years is to the Lord as the passing of a day, for workers and waiting husbands the reality is quite the opposite: A single day is like the passing of a thousand years.

Note: For those of you who have been following the saga of the Winter Pansy Squatters vs. Prissy Princess Gardener, we regret to report that drastic measures were taken earlier this week to remove the accused squatters from the gardening premises and "relocate" them, making way for the new flower residents, who presently reside in cramped quarters on the porch. Security has been beefed up in the immediate area in anticipation of protests from the community, although the community of late has shown more interest in other matters, such as painting the restored (but fortunately non-working) outhouse.