Residents of a certain Maryland neighborhood, beware. Reports have surfaced of a Garden Lurker, who is described as having "swishing hair" and "an unnatural hatred for slugs" and has startled several residents in the area with her lurking behavior.
Residents report walking by the Lurker's raised garden bed, minding their own business and in some cases whistling "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah," when suddenly they sense a movement among the flowers. There, crouched down at eye level between dame's rocket and tickseed, is the Garden Lurker, looking for all the world like a giant jackrabbit.
"She scared the bejeebies out of me," said one resident who encountered the Lurker. "It's like a garden statue come to life."
Gardening experts say this lurking behavior is not uncommon. They surmise that the Garden Lurker has become obsessed with ridding her garden of pests -- she has been overheard mumbling such phrases as Death to aphids! while brandishing a trowel -- and is keeping a close eye on her flowers. Experts say the Lurker poses no harm to anyone, unless you are crawling on her plants, in which case she means you great bodily harm.
Some gardeners, according to experts, even lurk among their flowers at night, the better to catch certain nocturnal pests in action, but so far there are no signs that the Garden Lurker engages in nightly vigils. Nevertheless, residents are keeping a sharp eye out during their morning walk to their cars, just in case the Lurker has fallen asleep in the garden.
To date the Garden Lurker has confined her activity to her own garden, but nearby residents worry that her zealous crusade against slugs and other invaders -- and her obvious lack of any life outside the yard -- may impel her to lurk in their gardens. They wonder whether they should be putting any deterrents up around their yards, like signs saying "aphid-free zone."
But the best cure, experts say, is for the Lurker to be removed from the pressures of garden life and taken somewhere to rest and recover and gradually regain a sense of normalcy. Somewhere like the beach.
2 comments:
Until I read the last sentence, I was unsure as to whom the Garden Lurker might be...
That's the Garden Lurker...you never know who she might be...or where she might turn up...
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