A beach cabana is a larger, more pretentious cousin of the lowly beach umbrella, and announces to everyone that a) you are at the beach, where sun and wind are plentiful, and b) you want as little personal contact with the sun and wind as possible. With a beach cabana you can still have all the comforts of the beach -- sand between your toes, in your bathing suit, in your hair, etc. -- without, say, having to view any offensive Speedo events.
There is a knack to properly setting up your beach cabana. If you figure it out, let us know. Just kidding! Of course we know how to set up our beach cabana. We merely chose, for the sake of the entertainment of those around us, to act like we had no idea what to do with it. To make this illusion more complete, we always chose to set it up during hurricane-force winds. That way, as we were struggling, people could say to themselves, "Well, I'm sure they would have had it up in 3 minutes, but in this wind...." They could also say many other things to themselves about us, no doubt.
Now, you can avoid many problems in the set-up of your cabana by simply purchasing one that costs closer to what you pay for a typical Manhattan townhome, but you are at the beach. You are roughing it. You are a rugged individualist. You are cheap.
It is helpful, but not necessary, to read the instructions as you go along, which will give you helpful tips such as "Do not set up indoors, or outdoors." I actually saw this instruction on another product several years ago, and I always wondered whether it was one of those philosophical conundrums, like maybe the answer was that you were supposed to set it up in a doorway so that it was neither outside nor inside.
But back to the cabana. If for some reason you don't have the instructions, or you are a rugged individualist and you refuse to read them, all is not lost. Just start poking rods wherever you see an opening in the fabric, then scratch your head a few times, and other beachgoers will gradually start drifting your way to help you.
It is very important, as the instructions will tell you, to properly anchor your stakes into the sand. The instructions are less helpful in telling you what to do when you lose the stakes in the sand. Not that this happened to us, of course. But if it had, we could take comfort in knowing that someday, archaeologists exploring the area might happen upon our missing stakes and spend several head-scratching minutes figuring out what kind of idiots lose their tent stakes in the sand.
According to the instructions, once you get to a certain step in setting the cabana up, the rest of it should just pop into place, without much effort on your part. Theoretically at this point you should have a domed-shape tent, like a bandshell. Practically, it may somewhat more resemble a bedraggled raincoat slung over a chair, propped up by a broom.
Once you have successfully raised your cabana -- and it may take a village to do so --give yourself a pat on the back and take a well-deserved rest. You'll need it, because by the time you get the cabana up it will be dark and time to leave the beach.
But take heart. There is always tomorrow! With more hurricane-force winds in the forecast.
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