Cleaning starts with a good water source

It is recommended -- though not necessarily by me -- that you engage in periodic cleaning of and around all major appliances in your home, such as refrigerators, washers and dryers, etc., and including any family members who may be permanently established on the couch in front of the TV.


This task can be difficult, especially if you have neglected it for some time and you have difficulty even finding your appliances, because they are encased in cobwebs or have been borne away by thousands of tiny spiders. Here are some tips we have found especially helpful in the quest for a cleaner kitchen, laundry room, family member, etc.

• First, if the appliance is in any way connected to water, have a major leak from the appliance. Conveniently, the appliance will often arrange this all on its own. It will generally occur when you are out of the house for an extended period, or you are asleep, in order to disturb your daily routine as little as possible. Until you return or wake up.
• Next, you must halt the leak and clean up the resulting soggy mess before you can attend to cleaning the actual appliance. A wet/dry vac is useful for this. However -- and I have no basis for this warning other than personal experience -- check the rear of the wet/dry vac to make sure it is not simultaneously spitting water out the back of the vacuum. If this does happen you will have another leak to mop up, which will delay your cleaning process and keep you from your real objective, which is to be able to delegate all these tasks to someone else.
• Once you have the leak under control, the water cleaned up, the carpet replaced, the smell gone -- again, I have no basis other than personal experience for saying this will take about 2 months -- you should move the appliance out from the walls and thoroughly clean in and around it. This may require advanced tools, such as a blowtorch, and in the case of the refrigerator, you may need some sort of permit for removing hazardous waste materials. You may also, in the course of your cleaning behind an appliance, find what look to be prehistoric objects. These will later turn out to be items that have gradually gone missing over the years, such as socks, Ping-Pong balls, appliance repair manuals, appliance repair persons, and so on.
• After thorough cleaning methods have been applied, move the appliance back to its original position. Ha ha ha! That was a little joke there, because of course appliances will never go back to their original position, and you may notice unusual moderate to heavy noises and shaking when you operate the appliance from now on. But really, this is a small price to pay for having a glistening, like-new appliance and a clean workspace.

Now for that family member on the couch.