A rare look at the Bugzooka in action

Readers may recall that the Hero recently, in what he admits was a "weak moment," purchased something called the Bugzooka, which he has employed in the ongoing battle against stink bugs at our home. 


The Bugzooka is basically a long tube with a bellows at one end and a trap door at the other, specially outfitted for bug-snatching capabilities. You compress the bellows, aim the tube, and push a button to suck the offending party in. And voila! Five hundred tries later you finally entrap the offending party, along with particles of dust, your arm hairs, tiny scraps remaining from breakfast, sections of the living room wall, etc.


Just kidding, of course. If you're good, you trap your SPOUSE'S arm hairs. 


Among the Bugzooka's many virtues are that, number 1, it greatly appeals to males (the website also says "Kids love it!" but, ahem, we are making no comparisons). This may be because it hearkens back to a time when males roamed the land with blunderbusses, terrifying the local wildlife population -- a time that today's males, personally, may never have experienced but nevertheless inexplicably find themselves hearkening back to.


At any rate, if you have a male in your home, and you have a Bugzooka in your home, the male is just about guaranteed to volunteer to grab it and go after whatever it is you need him to go after. 


Second, the Bugzooka leaves behind no mess to clean up, as may occur when, say, a shoe or a section of wood (think 2x4) is employed in the bug elimination process. (Yes, the Princess has, before the Hero came on the scene, employed a 2x4 in the bug elimination process.)


A Female Relative who was visiting recently had the rare privilege of seeing the Bugzooka in action. The incident took place just after dinner. Actually dinner was not quite over, but after the incident was concluded we agreed unanimously that we had no further interest in dinner.


The incident proceeded thus:


Female Relative (amazingly calm): There appears to be a cricket on the kitchen floor.


Princess (amazingly uncalm): Get the fly swatter!* Call the Coast Guard! The Marines! Ghostbusters! Somebody!


Hero (disappearing and then reappearing again like Clark Kent, only without a costume and brandishing a weapon): We've got something better...Bugzooka!


FR (tentatively): Um, why don't you just...step on it?


H: Because we've got Bugzooka!


(Here the cricket proved somewhat difficult to snatch up with the Bugzooka, and it freely made its way around the kitchen, exploring various crevices, deftly avoiding the Hero and the evil tube. In the background the Female Relative made several stomping motions.)


FR (helpfully): You could just step on it.


H (finally zapping the cricket): Got it!


FR: I would've just stepped on it.


Luckily for her, the Bugzooka does not work on Female Relatives. 


*Note: It has come to our attention that fly swatters are, according to the Bugzooka website, "violent." The website says nothing, however, about 2x4s.