Ho ho ho...it's time for some reminders on how, at this potentially stressful time of year, you can remain calm, happy, and unaffected by all the chaos around you (hint: drink lots of eggnog). One suggestion is to find a quiet place and just stay there. The entire month. Do not leave your quiet place. Order delivery, arrange for someone to bring your mail right to the door, etc. Whatever you do, do NOT go to the post office, mall, Walmart, Target, supermarket, or any other establishment that is not located within the confines of your personal property.
If this suggestion does not work for you, you could choose to spend the busy holiday season in some location where Christmas is generally a little more low-key, such as in the Arctic. You could also spend the season in bed, which sounds pretty good to me right now.
But if you absolutely must participate in society, here are a few tips for getting around all those crowds and maintaining your sanity (if you didn't have it in the first place, we can't help you):
At the airport
If you are traveling by air this holiday season, remember that so is pretty much everyone else in the known universe. Plan to arrive well before your flight is scheduled to leave, such as several months.
Packing for your return flight
If you've been good this year, chances are you'll have quite a few gifts to bring home with you. Where to put them? One solution, which requires advance planning, is to bring several empty suitcases with you and graciously request that givers simply place your well-deserved gifts in one of these suitcases. This is a clever strategy to use when you really DON'T want any gifts, because that is what you'll be likely to get: nothing.
Some people advocate making room in your luggage for gifts by sending your dirty laundry home through the mail or package delivery. This does not make much sense to us. Statistically, your checked bags are more likely to get lost than anything you send, so why wouldn't you check your laundry on the plane and mail all your gifts home? You could even attach a note to the bags of laundry to this effect: Please take, wash, and return to [your name and address]. Note: Please use only gentle, hypoallergenic, organic, corn-fed, free-range detergent.
If you have not been good this year, ignore all these instructions. You'll have plenty of room in your carry-on for your coal.
We regret that our tip-giving has been cut short today. There has been a minor emergency involving some laundry and free-range detergent. We shall return.
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