This is only a test (we hope)

Today's post is inspired* by a recent email notice sent out at a certain place of employment. 


Dear Valued Employees,


It is time once again for our annual, once-a-year elevator inspection. This is because we care about your comfort and safety, although mostly it is because we are required by law to carry out this inspection.


This inspection will require the activation of the fire reporting system, including the ringing of the bells and activating the strobe lights and pretty much anything else we can think of that will disrupt your work environment.


During this time it is unlikely that you will be able to carry on any conversations with co-workers, with clients on the phone, or even with yourself. We suggest that you use this time to catch up on solitary projects on which you may be behind.**


The smoke detectors are designed to recall the elevators to the first floor when activated. Please do not be alarmed if the elevator returns to the first floor before you reach your desired floor. The test will take about four hours, during which time, if you are in the elevator, you may be conveyed to several floors, none of which will be your desired floor.


Also if you are in the elevator, you may hear the ringing of the bells followed by the muffled cries of your co-workers. This is all very normal and should not arouse anxiety, unless the cries involve something like "I hope no one's in the elevator! They're all broken!" in which case you may panic. 


Some of you may wonder why we cannot inspect the elevators without activating the fire reporting system. We wonder this too. Please let us know if you find out why.


Some of you may also wonder why in the past, a mere few weeks after the annual elevator inspection, people have tended to get occasionally trapped in the elevators. Inspections should point out problems, which are then fixed, you reasonably infer. We sincerely apologize if we have given the impression that this is what actually occurs. 


Let me repeat that this is merely a test. There is no actual fire or elevator emergency--at least, none planned. We are not responsible for any actual emergencies that may arise during this time. 


We sincerely hope that you will not be inconvenienced during this inspection. However, as the law does not stipulate that we avoid inconvenience, it may occur.


Thank you for your cooperation!


Sincerely,
The building management team (Harry, Burly, and Joe)


__________
*inspired in the sense that there may be one or two words the same, such as "the" and "to."


**This does not refer to napping.