Where have all the good contractors gone?

Our small paver patio has begun gradually sloping downward at one end. We first noticed this when things began sliding off of it into the flower beds below, like the flowerpots, patio chairs, the AC unit, guests we were entertaining, etc. This naturally alarmed us, and prompted us to take steps to rectify the situation. The steps went like this:

1. Call a contractor and have him come out to look at the situation.

2. Have the contractor explain what the fix would entail, and give us an estimate.

3. Inform the contractor that we agree to the terms and would like him to start as soon as possible.

4. After waiting for some time, discover the contractor has gone into hiding.

This has happened several times, which perplexes us because Step 4 has always occurred BEFORE any money was given to the contractor, prompting us to wonder whether somewhere, in the future, scientists will discover a large black hole consisting entirely of poor contractors. 

But after several disappointments, we have finally found a contractor we can trust. It is a great comfort to know that we are placing our patio makeover into the hands of the smartest, most competent person available. We know this because he himself told us.

Gene contracts for a local nursery, which is a job he enjoys doing. Previously he worked for a number of years for the government, which he did NOT enjoy doing, owing to, as Gene describes it, the government being "full of idiots." (Many of us have at least suspected that this might be the case, but now it has been unbiasedly confirmed.) Unfortunately for we, the people, it is even MORE full of idiots now that Gene is no longer there to be a moderating influence. "If they just would have listened to me..." he says, shaking his head. We feel lucky, listening to Gene, that the government is not working on our patio.

Gene also has a great deal to say about contractors who purport to know about the installation of patios but obviously are deceiving themselves as well as their clients. This, he believes, describes Bob, the individual who originally built our patio. I will not go into detail here about his views on the subject, other than to say that no punishment, according to Gene, would be sufficient for such individuals.

Whenever we need to talk to Gene on the phone, we have learned to block out a considerable amount of time on our calendars: Tuesday, call Gene, 5:15-10:30 p.m. This is because when we ask a question, it is impossible for Gene to answer it without imparting a considerable portion of his vast knowledge, no matter how small a bearing it may have on the particular question.  

For example, we ask how likely he thinks it is that there are rocks close to the surface in our yard, which would mean that he would not be able to dig deep enough for a proper foundation for the patio expansion.

This question is clearly a mistake. Gene begins a treatise on the type of soil we have here in the East (clay), moves on to the type of soil typically found on the West coast (sandy), and finally ends with how this relates to the depth of soil tree roots need in the different regions. Certainly, Gene implies, we can see why our yard may or may not be filled with rocks?

We dull creatures cannot see this, although we do not admit this for fear of encouraging further explanation that will still not answer our question. We also do not say anything because we are afraid of being compared to Gene's cat, who is described as "sweet, but not too bright upstairs." We would not be surprised to hear that the cat worked, at one time, for the government.

We are anxious for Gene to actually start the work. In expectation of potential problems arising, we have blocked out the entire month of August to discuss them with Gene. And if he doesn't show up, we may have to start searching for that black hole.