Five degrees of separation from the beach

A friend once declared that "there are five minutes in the life of a banana when it is suitable to be eaten." Likewise, I feel there is a five-degree range of temperature for which the beach is enjoyable. This is about 85-90 degrees. Below this threshold, it is, in my opinion, too chilly to enter the ocean waters. Above this range, the heat is so debilitating that one must summon all of one's resources simply to move off one's comfortable chaise lounge, drag one's parched and dehydrated body across the burning sands, and finally plop at the edge of the refreshing water, only to forget to close one's mouth before getting a mouthful of seawater.

Unfortunately the temperature on our recent beach visit fell well short of this acceptable range. The Hero, who feels that any weather short of visible icicles is suitable for ocean dipping -- and who also has NO discernible standards when it comes to banana eating -- went in without me.

But the weather was conducive to napping and also to bike riding, so we happily engaged in both activities, although not both at the same time. Bikes can be rather a difficult place to nap.

A prominent sign on the boardwalk declared that although bikes were permitted, this was true only until 10 a.m. After that, presumably, large, hairy individuals would materialize and bodily escort you and your bike -- separating one from the other if necessary -- off the boardwalk.

We did not want this to happen, so we behaved ourselves. Well, at least in regard to the magic hour of 10:00. I admit that at one point we attempted a rather daring move, in which I steered my bike with just one hand while handing over my hat to the Hero to place in his basket. This was daring because even two-handed, my bike-steering skills are roughly akin to those exhibited by small marsupials, were they to take up bike riding.

I would have pulled it off, though, had my bike not chosen that exact moment to show its affinity for the Hero's bike. We clanged into each other, and only quick-witted thinking on the Hero's part -- consisting of him thrusting me and my bike away -- saved us from complete disaster.

Under the sign on the boardwalk that said "Bikes permitted until 10 a.m.," we would not have been surprised to see another sign affixed to it declaring, "Except YOU TWO. You know who you are." And, yes, we would have known.

It also would not have been a surprise to see a large, hairy individual arrive to cast us off the boardwalk -- after he finished eating a very brown, way-beyond-the-five-minute-window banana.