Where there's fire, there's creme brulee

I'm sure that of all the statements the Hero ever expected might emerge from my mouth, "Honey, I need a blowtorch" is not one of them.

And yet a blowtorch is crucial to my culinary happiness. Just as the immersion blender enabled me to make luxurious cream soups, and the salad spinner ensured that we would actually eat all those crisp, healthy greens we are supplied with, so now, from the glossy pages of a cookbook, a creme brûlée calls out to me that I, too, can enjoy its magical goodness -- IF I have a blowtorch.

To become creme brûlée (which literally means burnt cream, but for obvious reasons is called creme brûlée), the dish of cream, sugar, more eggs and sugar, sugar, vanilla or other flavoring, and unbelievable amounts of eggs and sugar, plus a little extra for good measure, must be set aflame, on purpose.

Enter the blowtorch. When applied to the top of the creation, it creates a chemical reaction that results, eventually, in the fire department coming to your home.

This suggests a modification alarm companies might make to their equipment. A special alert indicating "creme brûlée fire!" would let authorities know that there is no actual fire and thus no need for them to show up with hose trucks or any other kind of trucks. Upon hearing this special signal, the firefighters would say something like:

"Oh, it's just the Johnsons making creme brûlée again. What's that make, the third time this month?"

"Hey, maybe they DO need some help -- eating all of it."

And they would go back to playing cards.

Of course there is an alternative way to achieve the crunchy, sweet goodness on top of the creme brûlée: put it under the broiler. But this is for wussies, even if the directions DO say to be careful. All the danger, all the excitement is happening INSIDE the oven, where I can't be a part of it. And I WANT to be a part of it. With a blowtorch, I alone would be responsible for causing whatever chemical reactions are occurring. Of course, I would also be responsible for any damage to the kitchen or my person, which might be considerable.

It is this latter point that gives the Hero pause when I mention my need for a blowtorch. And it is no doubt what will convince firefighters that even if the special "don't-worry-it's-just-a-creme-brûlée-fire" alarm goes off, they should DEFINITELY come if it goes off at our house.