Music Fest

The Hero recently suggested we attend the Music Fest in our town. He wasn't sure exactly what it would feature, but made a wild guess that there would be some bands. With this assurance we walked into town, where we discovered that the music fest consisted largely of several unsigned bands that had either 1) lost their hearing entirely or 2) believed that their audience members were no longer in possession of THEIR hearing, or possibly 3) felt strongly that residents within 70 miles should be able to hear the music without having to leave their homes.

In addition to a single volume level, the bands appeared fond of one particular tempo: "frenzy," which literally means "to perform an activity until one's hair falls out." They played at frenzy level continually, stopping only to try to retrieve some of those hairs in between songs.

We did get a bit of a break occasionally in the form of bands consisting entirely of kids. They were like a miniature replica of the adult bands. Their stage was little. Their instruments were little. And they were little. The sound they produced could not quite be called little, but they seemed concerned only about reaching residents within five miles rather than 70.

So the official schedule that was posted looked something like this:

3:45 Band Playing Very Loud Music
4:20 Youth Band with Very Short Musicians
4:45 Another Band Playing Very Loud Music
5:20 Another youth Band with Very Short Musicians
5:45 Band Playing...Yes, Very Loud Music

Yet a third Youth Band with Very Short Musicians was, sadly, canceled due to the lead singer being "home puking his guts out," according to the manager.

Our own schedule was slightly different:

3:42 Arrive and stand in line for beverages
4:06 Sip beverages and look for anyone we know
4:14 Talk about people we don't know
4:39 Make adoring comments about cute puppies and toddlers
4:57 Make disparaging comments about owners of dogs in tutus
5:11 Study oddly dressed vendor
5:18 Stand in line for more beverages
5:36 Stand in line for food
5:59 Determine that oddly dressed vendor is an Ewok
6:04 Watch young woman dance to music with Hula Hoop
6:17 Glimpse a Dalmatian wearing sunglasses
6:18 Determine not to stand in line for any more beverages

Though we came away with possibly fewer hearing cells intact, we decided it was worth it. There is talk of this being an annual event, and we have already decided what they should feature next year. We want to see the sunglasses-wearing Dalmatian play bass guitar, with all proceeds going to a fund for emotional support for canine tutu wearers.