Following in our first father's footsteps, or, Where are the restrooms?

In keeping with our firm resolve to avoid vacations involving historic sites this year, because we are tired of them, we visited Mount Vernon this weekend (nothing historic there!). Mount Vernon, of course, was the home of George Washington, where you can learn all sorts of things about our first president, such as that there is no evidence that cherry trees ever existed on the estate and therefore George must have been making that whole "I cannot tell a lie" thing up. This skill obviously stood him in good stead when he became president.

Mount Vernon offers many authentic experiences to help you understand Washington's life. For instance, Washington believed in the value of working hard, and the exhibits are deliberately scattered all over his 8,000-acre hilly estate, forcing visitors to walk uphill to wherever they want to go (okay, so there is a little shuttle bus that goes to the most far-flung areas, but really, we have our pride). To make things even more authentic, thoughtful exhibit planners have set up special events at locations at opposite ends of the grounds, so that you must be in the northeast quadrant at 1:00 for a sewing demonstration, then hoof it over to the southwest quadrant at 1:30 for a cooking demonstration, then race back to the northeast quadrant at 2:00 for a demonstration on the care of wooden teeth. And the restrooms are ALWAYS at the opposite end from where you currently happen to be.

I must say that the boat excursion offered is nothing like what Washington's crossing of the Delaware must have been like, with its rough seas and biting wind, although the same heart-palpitating sense of danger may be replicated by paying for the concessions they offer on board. George could have fed a year's worth of visitors to his home for what you now pay for 2 waters and a measly bag of popcorn.

There are, of course, interpreters placed strategically throughout the exhibits to help you get the most from your visit, and also to tell you that you are nowhere near the restrooms. Many interpreters are dressed in period clothing, which basically means the most uncomfortable things some historian with a deviant sense of humor could locate. Occasionally you will even see children acting as guides (apparently working under the same child labor laws as in Washington's time), such as the one we had by the sheep pen, who kept pointing out helpfully, in a loud voice, that "That one's going to the bathroom!" Amazingly, this information was included in the price of the ticket.

There is much more that can be said about Mount Vernon, or you could just buy the guidebook like we did and learn everything from the comfort of your own home, which has the added advantage of nearby restrooms. Tomorrow, we'll take a look at the Mount Vernon Mansion, in which in one year alone the Washingtons hosted 677 overnight visitors, although Washington himself was not among them (it was a busy year for running the fledgling nation).