Today's blog may contain some irregularities, as the Prissy Princess has been forced, due to a malfunctioning monitor, to abandon her beloved computer and use the Gallant Hero's. The Gallant Hero has a perverted keyboard, the kind with a split personality, which makes it almost impossible to type properly. Therefore expect many missssspelings, and be thankfl you canot hear her grubmlings. Although the space bar on this keyboard is quite large, only about 1/10 of it actually works when you press it, so you may also see someverylongwords.
The Gallant Hero must enjoy squinting a lot, as the screen has teeny tiny type and icons, which are annoying at any time of the day for the Prissy Princess but especially first thing in the morning.
His computer is also situated right over the air conditioning vent, which at the moment is issuing freezing cold air. He has often complained about this himself, but until now the Prissy Princess has not shown the proper amount of sympathy. She understands his predicament and will endeavor to do something about the vent situation as soon as possible or as soon as he fixes her monitor, whichever comes first.
And now, back to our regular programming.
No doubt you have been following developments in China, where a great many young people from all over the world have been seized with the desire to exert themselves in public wearing very little clothing. I myself endeavor to avoid exertion of any kind, regardless of the level of clothing, although using this keyboard certainly demands efforts of Herculean proportions.
Nevertheless, the Olympics have invaded our home, and there was even a competition held in our kitchen over the weekend. Joe entered the Swiffer Operator event, in which one participant at a time performs manuevers on linoleum with a stick and a dry cloth on the end of it. The object, of course, is to corner all the dirt and crumbs on the floor and toss them into the wastebasket. This event is not held very often, nor is there much practice for it at our house, so given the condition of the floor, this particular course was very challenging. Points are awarded in two categories: technical, which includes the amount of crumbs collected, and style.
Joe was not only a participant in this event, he was also the announcer. Although I was unable to tune in to the event in person, due to my own competition upstairs in the Toilet Bowl Swipe, I did hear the highlights during the game, which I will now relate to you.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Swiffer competition, where the first athlete is getting ready to begin. This event takes enormous concentration, ladies and gentlemen. Joe here is known for his flair while competing; I'm sure we'll see some evidence of that here today. And he's off!
Ladies and gentlemen, look at the size of that crumb! Will he be able to pick it up using just the regulation Swiffer? Many athletes have gone to the Super Swiffer XLMK, but Joe prefers to use an older model....and he does it! Did you ever see such skill?"
I would like to see it more often, I thought.
There was a small crash from the direction of the kitchen. "Ohhhh, he'll lose some points there. He almost took out the overhead lights," the announcer said.
In the end, despite losing some style points for that incident, Joe was declared champion, having set a new record for the amount of debris collected. The judges debated crowning him with a dustpan, but they finally settled on awarding him a peck on the cheek from his grateful wife.
After the strenuous efforts in these two competitions, the athletes in our house are exhausted. They must rest up for the next sport, which lasts for another week and a half: the Finger Maneuvers on the Remote Control.
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