Rhinos in need

The following conversation is based on a newspaper report regarding the reaccreditation of our local zoo. Although this will bring much-needed funds to the aging zoo, zoo officials have warned that "there is a lot to do. For instance, the rhinoceroses need a new kitchen." Although the particular conversation related below was not reported in the article, we have no doubt that it actually took place.

Mrs. Rhinoceros: All of our troubles are over, dear! With the reaccreditation, we'll finally be able to fix this place up! I'll be able to get my new kitchen! New countertops! La Cornue Chateau range, hand-built to order! A new --
Mr. Rhinoceros: Now, dearest, don't go spending money before we get it. There's a lot that has to be done with that money. I'm sure we'll only get a fraction of it.
Mrs. Rhinoceros: Oh, don't be silly, dear. Of course we'll get a lot of money. I mean, it's only fair. The Hippos have had granite countertops for months now. We still have that atrocious Formica! (shudders)
Mr. Rhinoceros: I'm just trying to be prudent, dear. We might need to downsize our renovation plans. Instead of a new kitchen, maybe they'll give us a...a kitchenette.
Mrs. Rhino:(not listening, humming as she goes about the kitchen, wondering if a granite or quartz countertop would look better)
Mr. Rhino (raising his voice slightly): I mean, with Junior gone to the Boston Zoo for his internship, we don't really need all that refrigerator space anyway.
Mrs. Rhino (stopping her humming and staring at Mr. Rhino): What are you talking about, dear?
Mr. Rhino (sweeping his hands about): Us. The house. The new kitchen you want. it might not happen.
Mrs. Rhino: Of course it will happen. We've been here for years. They simply have to give us a new kitchen.
Mr. Rhino (shaking his head): We're getting too old to be much of an attraction, sweets. Visitors want to see cute baby animals, not two middle-aged rhinos.
Mrs. Rhino (bristling): What do you mean, middle-aged? I'm barely 35. And the other day Mrs. Hippo declared that my skin looks like it belongs to someone half my age!
Mr. Rhino (wisely refraining from further comments on the subject of age): I'm merely pointing out, my sweet pigeon, that dollars will go to the most popular animals. We can't compete with the baby elephant, the baby giraffe, and that baby camel who's been visiting. When was the last time there was a baby rhino?
Mrs. Rhino (staring): Is that what this is all about? You want us to have another baby?
Mr. Rhino (flustered): Of course not.
Mrs. Rhino: Good, because I am NOT going through another sixteen months of misery. No matter how wonderful Junior is.
Mr. Rhino: Yes, yes, of course. I'm just saying we don't have the clout to be able to get much of the new funds coming in.
Mrs. Rhino (huffing): Well, we at least need a new deck. I could have died when poor Mrs. Hippo fell off our poor excuse for one the last time she and Mr. H. came for a cookout.
Mr. Rhino (to himself): It wasn't the deck's fault Mrs. H. fell off.
Mrs. Rhino: What did you say?
Mr. Rhino (coughing discreetly) Nothing, dear. (sighing) It would be nice to get a new grill.
Mrs. Rhino: And what would you cook on it, oh Great Chef? Grass?
Mr. Rhino (bristling): Well, you want a new stove.
Mrs. R: Of course I want a new stove, one built to my size specifications. You try frying leaves standing on your hind feet.
(They are interrupted here by a breathless Mrs. Hippo.) Hello! Hello! Anybody home?
Mr. Rhino (muttering): Where else would we be? We live in a zoo.
Mrs. Rhino: Be quiet, dear. (louder) Come in, dear Harriet! What is it?
Mrs. Hippo: (catching her breath) They've just announced...the awards! Who's...going to get...the money!
(cries from Mrs. Rhino) Mr. Rhino: Well? Who won? Out with it!
Mrs. Hippo: The animals here...in Africa...will get some money, but most of it will go toward a...a new dining hall.
Mrs. Rhino (whispering): We're..we're getting a new dining hall? We don't have to cook anymore?
Mrs. Hippo (shaking her head violently): No, no -- a dining hall for the visitors.
(silence, then wailing from Mrs. Rhino)
Mrs. Hippo: There, there, dear. But cheer up. They did say you would be getting something new for your kitchen.
Mrs. Rhino (calming down somewhat): They did? W-w-what?
Mrs. Hippo: I think they said you could use a new broom and dustpan.
(Renewed wailing from Mrs. Rhino. Mr. Rhino tries to comfort her as Mrs. Hippo takes her leave.)
Mrs. Rhino (hiccuping): Oh, Alan! No granite countertops! No Cornue Chateau range! (collapsing into sobs)
Mr. Rhino: I know, dear. Maybe next year. (muttering and beginning to pace) We have to do something to attract attention...(an idea begins to form) Dear...when you say you absolutely do not want to have another baby, does that mean you MIGHT be willing to consider it...?