Today we bring you letters from imaginary people on topics that have NOTHING to do with anything the Princess and Gallant Hero are experiencing right now. NOTHING.
Q: My spouse recently decided to go on a gluten-free diet. What can you tell me about this?
A: Mostly what I can tell you is this: Nothing resembling food is allowed on this diet.
Q: It can't be all that bad.
A: You're new to this, aren't you? Gluten, as you no doubt have discovered, is found in wheat, other grains, and every other food you might have an interest in actually eating, so you are pretty much left with: cottage cheese. Although I would check the label even on that to make sure.
Q: What about those gluten-free foods I see advertised?
A: Yes, today you can find a variety of gluten-free foods, such as cereal, bread, and even pasta, which have all been shown, chemically, to be related to petrified tree bark. An alternative would be to try cardboard.
Q: Uh, thanks. Do you know any gluten-free recipes?
A: Oh, yes. You might try the Garbanzo Bean Chocolate Cupcakes recipe I came across recently.
Q: That sounds like you made it up.
A: Unfortunately, I did NOT make it up.
Q: Garbanzo beans? In chocolate cake??
A: Garbanzo beans ARE the new chocolate, dear. At least for you. So get used to it. And good luck! You'll need it.
3 comments:
Great advice...Perhaps a new vocation to pursue?
Hmmm...this looks remarkably similar to Ask Mr. Language Person. May I assume that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, or should I contact an attorney expert in copyright law? Or both? Or neither? Or should I drop back 15 and punt?
Hmmmm, I could use a new vocation right about now!
DB, since Mr. Language Person has unofficially retired, I believe all like-minded Q&A's are herewith considered open source, fair game, etc., etc.
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