The endurance wedding

There are several new trends in wedding receptions, judging from the ones we have been to recently. One of these is that your dessert -- which now includes a large assortment of items, one of which may or may not be the actual wedding cake -- is held hostage until about midnight, when everyone is either gone or too tired to care. To be served your dessert you must successfully pass an endurance test.

This endurance test consists of, first, several hours of extremely loud noise, which is called "music." Once your ears have exploded from this "music," your eyes are bombarded with the flash from 600 cameras going off the entire course of the evening. The final test is that you are encouraged to drink all the liquid you want, only to find out that the bathroom is a one-stall affair, and you must take a number to get in. Your number is never lower than 600.

As an aside, I personally feel that camera-worthy events, such as weddings, were much nicer when everyone had old-fashioned cameras, and we were limited to 12 or 24 or possibly 36 pictures, and so we were much more judicious about what we took pictures of. But now, thanks to digital camera cards, we are able to capture the entire event for posterity, from the bride and groom smashing cake to the flower arrangements in the ladies' bathroom, and we feel compelled to do so. Even the most average couple is treated like Prince Charles and Lady Di in their day.

Several hours into our endurance test at a reception this past weekend, Joe asked if I was ready to leave.

"We haven't had dessert yet," I reminded him.

Later he asked again. We still had not been served dessert.

"I am not moving," I said. "I was promised creme brulee, and by golly, I am going to have my creme brulee."

"But, honey, everyone's gone. They'll be cleaning up soon."

"How does that affect me? I am permanently blind from all these cameras, my number has yet to come up for the restroom, and I have sat through 36 Prince songs. At least I think they were Prince songs. I think this more than qualifies me to have my creme brulee. In fact, it qualifies me to have everyone else's creme brulee, too."