Microwaves may have made cooking easier, but frozen microwaved meals are becoming more and more complex. The early generation of microwave meals were attractive mainly for their simple directions:
1. Put box in microwave until hot.
2. Eat until full.
These simple instructions made it possible for consumers to, say, have their Yorkshire terrier heat up their dinner for them. But now you must now have a commercial kitchen license to cook a frozen lunch or dinner in the microwave. Following are the typical directions one will find on the box of one of these meals:
1. Directions are given for CRISPIER flatbread as well as for SOFTER flatbread. Note: We highly recommend that if you love your flatbread crispy, you learn to love it softer, as the directions for soft flatbread are far simpler.
2. For both CRISPIER and SOFTER flatbread, open carton at perforated tab, then peel back the top. If you love your flatbread CRISPY, TEAR OFF the top of the carton, but DO NOT DISCARD IT. You will need it in Step 172 A.
3. If you love your flatbread SOFTER, DO NOT, UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, PERJURY, AND HIGHER TAXES, TEAR OFF THE TOP OF THE CARTON. JUST PEEL IT BACK. Do not be concerned that the carton top is not secured; this operation will be completed in Step 53 C.
4. If you love your flatbread SOFTER, remove the shrinkwrap from the flatbread and discard it (unless you have children in middle school, in which case the shrinkwrap may come in handy for a school science project). But if you love your flatbread CRISPY, do not attempt this maneuver until Step 14.
5. For SOFTER flatbread, place flatbread back INTO carton. It must be perfectly centered in the carton, 2.7 centimeters from the edge in all directions. Note: We regret that due to rising shipping costs, we are no longer able to provide centimeter rulers with our products. You will have to borrow one.
6. For CRISPY flatbread, first remove from the carton and hold securely in one hand. With the other hand, flip the carton over to make a platform. Retrieve the carton top that was removed during Step 2 and place it, SILVER SIDE UP, on the platform. With a third hand (procedures for obtaining a third hand are not included here; please see our Web site), assemble the platform such that it resembles a teepee.
7. For SOFTER flatbread, close the carton. Glue tab AB to tab 714Q~^6 with microwave- and food-safe glue, and microwave on HIGH for 3 minutes and 47.6 seconds. Halfway through, rotate the box 64 degrees and continue heating. Allow product to stand in microwave for exactly 4.72 to the fifth minutes, unless you are making this in an office microwave and others are waiting to heat up their flatbread, in which case it is permissible to let stand for 4.72 to the third minutes.
8. If you love your flatbread CRISPIER, NOW is the time to remove the shrinkwrap. Please look out for our planet and recycle the shrinkwrap. Place the flatbread inside the teepee platform you have assembled, making sure to securely tuck all flaps under the carton. Microwave on HIGH for -- (due to our ongoing efforts to provide you with the highest quality foods, please check our Web site for the most current recommended cooking time for CRISPIER flatbread).
9. Carefully remove your CRISPIER or SOFTER flatbread from the microwave. Congratulations! You have successfully assembled an authentic, edible replica of an 1843 Sioux Indian teepee. Enjoy.
2 comments:
I think you forgot the directions that tell you that if you like your softer or crisper flatbread edible, preheat your oven to 350 degrees, remove flatbread from all packaging (discarding packaging and microwaving paraphernalia in the recycle bin), and place flatbread on a cookie sheet in the preheated oven for 10 minutes. I believe these directions can be found on the side flap that you probably tore off and discarded when opening the box.
But THAT would take way too long! Everyone knows the microwave is MUCH faster...just as soon as you finish making your teepee...
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