Worms in space

Being an astronaut requires rigorous training, and competition is fierce. Especially if you're a worm astronaut. Four thousand "wormonauts" went up in Atlantis this week as part of a study on the effects of zero gravity on human muscles. These lucky few beat out 58,426 other worm applicants with winning essays on "What I Would Do if I Got Loose in a Space Shuttle."

Of course, no one really knows what these worms would do if they got loose in a space shuttle, because they are microscopic worms, and theoretically they could pretty much do anything they want up there and no one would know, including setting the controls to shift the shuttle on a path toward a distant planet where babe worms are known to hang out.

According to Wikipedia, on earth these worms are often found in gardens. Their preferred method of travel, when they are not in space, is on an insect or other small creature, and according to Wikipedia, when they are carried by such a host and reach a "desirable location" -- say, Ruth's Chris Steakhouse -- they "get off." Research is not yet conclusive on whether they offer adequate compensation to their hosts for this service, although in laboratory situations the worms have been known to consume the hosts if they happen to die. I think this is something the astronauts on Atlantis should be aware of.

The effects of space travel on worm muscles are being studied because "muscle wasting is a major problem for astronauts," as their muscles do not get used properly in the absence of gravity. Amazingly, MY muscles show the same wasting tendency even IN the presence of gravity. I suppose I could offer myself for research, and I wouldn't even have to go into space.

The worms are a good choice for a study on human muscles because apparently they "share up to 80% of their genes with humans," and are therefore considered "a perfect substitute" for us. This information concerns me somewhat. Lately at work we have been seeing a proliferation of worms in the building. They seemingly randomly crawl around the building, in and out of cubicles, restrooms, copiers, etc., but now I wonder: Are these worms that didn't make the NASA cut, and now they've been forced out onto the streets to fend for themselves, find jobs, earn a living? Are they looking to take OUR jobs? Never mind that the space worms are microscopic, and these are only too visible. They are all related somehow.

Personally I can think of several other organisms I would like to see sent into space, preferably permanently. Cave crickets, for instance, which were highlighted in the previous blog post. I think cave crickets have had ample time to try to prove they have a purpose for being here, and as far as I know they haven't come up with anything convincing, so why not ship them out too?

And with them we can send the worms from the office. Just in case.