Time for bugs to go

Recently we have noticed the appearing of several mounds between the spaces in our brick patio. We happened to notice them because, while they are not quite as high as Mt. Everest, they're pretty close (we have keen eyes). The mounds appear to consist of the stone dust that is between the bricks, and upon further inspection turned out to be anthills. Ants apparently are not picky about the material they use to build their little anthill cities, fortresses, vacation resorts, etc. We're pretty sure we saw some casinos in there.


The anthills are merely the latest in a series of insect encroachment on our dwelling, and while the ants at least have the courtesy to be outside the house rather than inside it, we are frankly getting tired of sharing our property with things that have multiple sets of legs. 


It is time to implement new measures against the invaders, and we think we have the solution: We will invite them all to a free food buffet, where in exchange for the free food they will listen to a three-hour talk on exciting timeshare opportunities. In particular, we will be sure to discuss the fine lodgings a few houses away at a certain neighbor's. And then the ants, and all the other creatures who have encroached upon us, will get up, stagger around a bit with all their extra weight from the free food, and head down the street.


Of course the participants may not fall for it. And there is the danger that we will feed them so much that they won't be able to get up on all their legs and trot off down the street. And there is a slight chance that if they do make it to the timeshare property, they won't exactly receive a warm welcome.


So if all else fails, I guess we'll just wait until the renovations on our family room are done, our new sofa comes, and then we can invite them all over for popcorn and a movie. And maybe another timeshare talk, this one about the attractions of Florida.