Oh, if Elvis would only come

It's holiday time, which means it is time for the Princess and Hero to take their annual Christmas Torture Photo, which the Hero looks forward to almost as much as watching Pride and Prejudice. During this annual event the Hero is reminded of our wedding-photo session, which lasted a record nine days and left him with a permanent phobia of cameras.


For the second year in a row, Elvis has failed to appear in our little touristy town on the day we have planned to take our photo, greatly disappointing the Hero. Not only does he feel Elvis would add some interest to the annual photo, more importantly, Elvis would not stand around for 350 pictures, thereby greatly shortening the length of our photo session. 


Lacking Elvis, the Hero attempted to come up with some other masculine-interest photo idea this year. "We could take a picture...with a football," he suggested.


"Please," I said. "I'm a girl."


"Well...we could use a pink football."


"How about we take a picture throwing leaves?" I suggested.


"Hey, we could sit in the leaves."


"Too much contact with nature," I said.


And so, with no clear idea of what we wanted to do for this picture -- which is often the case -- we headed for a nearby trail abounding in nature. Overcome by the beauty around us, I enthusiastically endorsed the idea of sitting in the leaves, whereupon the Hero offered the sobering reminder that Nature was in the leaves.


"There could be spiders in there," he said. "Centipedes. Snakes!" 


A cursory search revealed nothing too nature-y, and our photo session commenced, consisting of several rounds of the following:


1. Sister snaps photo and gives camera to us to view.
2. The Hero gives enthusiastic approval, no matter if we are not looking at the camera, or even if we are not in the picture. Especially if we are not in the picture.
3. The Princess rejects it, usually on the grounds that the Hero looks pained.


The Hero used increasingly wily tactics in an attempt to end his torture, including appealing to the Princess's vanity:


1st picture: "Oh, this one's great."


2nd picture: "This one's PERFECT!"


495th picture: "Oh, honey, your hair is perfect in this one."


By this point even the Princess's standards have slipped a little, and eventually a photo is approved that, later, will turn out to be of someone else. Ha! Not really. Although the Hero is not above bribing a complete stranger to take his place in the photo.


But at least for this year he is finished with the torture. And maybe next year, Elvis will be around.