The War of Pillows

Today we bring you a short poem composed by the Hero, who, like other men we know, has developed a marked animosity toward couch pillows.

"I do not like these pillows," said he.

"I do not like them in a chair. 

I do not like them in the air."

"They're not in a chair or in the air," I pointed out.

He thought some more.

"I do not like them on the couch

Where feathers can poke through and -- ouch!"

Of course as the principal decorator I take his feelings about such things into account when considering new purchases for the home. For instance, knowing how he feels about decorative pillows, I might buy even more pillows. Because having more pillows is a fundamental right of females.

Unfortunately this right directly interferes with the right of men to an Uncluttered Seating Area, on which they can plop themselves down to sit, nap, roll over and fall off, etc. So men, particularly husbands who feel their personal couch space has been grossly invaded by pillows, want to take away our right to pillows. They are probably this moment forming Guys Against Pillows (GAP) to lobby against having any pillows in the home that do not fulfill a functional purpose, defined as something they can sleep on. 

The Hero certainly equates pillows with sleeping, and is disturbed when a pillow proves unfit for such an activity, such as the couch pillows with their poky feathers. But the feathers are a protective mechanism. Tired of years of abuse from guys plopping down for a nap on their delicate forms, decorative pillows have learned to fight back, sometimes with feathers, sometimes with a stray button or other decoration. With more pillows, it is possible to build up an arsenal of attack, until finally a man will not sit anywhere near the couch as long as there are pillows on it.

Which is, of course, the point of having all those pillows. They are there to be looked at and admired. We females dream of a day when the War of Pillows is won, and we will no longer have to follow behind our men and fluff up the squashed pillows they leave in their wake.

Until then, the fight will continue to inspire us to purchase more pillows, and perhaps inspire more poems.