Grow old applying for jobs on the Internet

The Internet has made applying for jobs much easier, provided you are prepared to spend the equivalent of a work week filling out an online application. The government, in particular, is fond of lengthy job applications. This is to weed out people who may not have the drive and passion to stick with a demanding job. "Hmmm," the human resources person says as he or she reviews an application, "they made it up to the question about Are you able to focus for long periods of time? and then there are no more responses after that."


"Please..." you whimper by the time you are finished applying for one of these jobs. "Can't I just come in and fill out a paper application with my Bic pen?"

Sometimes the application process is so long, the job may be closed before you finish applying. "Thank you for applying to Company X," the screen will say. "We regret that the position you have just wasted one-fourth of your lifetime applying for is no longer available. But good news! Here are some other positions you may be interested in...please apply separately for each.... Have a nice day."


By the time you are finished with an application, you may no longer even want  the job. But if you are collecting unemployment during your job search, you are required to make a certain number of job contacts per week. Most likely, the one job you really don't want, but had to apply for in order to meet your contact quota, will be the one you will be called in to interview for. If this happens, it is time to be honest with the potential employer by explaining, truthfully, your situation:


"Uh, I'm really sorry, but I was in an accident just after I applied for your position, and I really can't work right now...I lost both arms, so I can't edit anymore...What? Can I come in for an interview? Well, I lost both legs in the accident, too, so I can't really get around too well...Would I be willing to work from ho--I'm sorry, I think my hearing is going. Also, my psychiatrist says I shouldn't get too stressed about anything....What was that? Would I be willing to fill out another online application...?"