How do you like to get YOUR exercise?

To our listing in the previous post of observed grammar- and spelling-challenged job ads, we add this gem:


Wen Editor needed. After all, there are unlimited opportunities on the World Wide Wen!


We now proceed to today's post.


Somewhere, Someone must be keeping track of all the New Year's resolutions made each year. And somewhere, Someone has apparently decided that we here in the East are falling behind in our resolution to exercise, and we need some extra incentive.


I say this based on the number of "snow occurrences" we have had so far this winter (approximately two per day). Evidently Someone feels we are not getting enough exercise, and that we need to get out on our driveways and sidewalks and start shoveling to get our blood pumping. I personally prefer to do this the old-fashioned way: by hiring an energetic and eager young person to shovel for us.


The Hero generally prefers to let nature correct its own course, and let the snow melt on its own, even if this takes until April. But this plan of action is often interrupted by thoughtful neighbors who shovel our portion of the sidewalk as well as theirs, which makes us feel a tinge of guilt. But we get over it soon enough.


We therefore have started to rekindle our friendship with the local gym, even getting hooked into the special system that individualizes your experience on several exercise machines. This system is very powerful. It knows how much you weigh, your workout time on each machine, your total workout time per visit, your total workout time across your entire lifetime, how many Twinkies you have eaten since your last visit, etc. It also gives you helpful reminders and encouragement, such as "Dandelions get more exercise more than you do!" 


The nice young man who put all of my information into the system asked how often I usually exercise.


"Once," I said.


"Like, once a week?"


"No, like coming here today."


He did not berate me, although I suspect that was because he knew the system would do that for him.


"Really?" he said. "It looks like you exercise. You look like an athlete."


Of all the things people have said to me in my lifetime, "you look like an athlete" is not one of them.


"Thanks," I said, "but my favorite sport is Couch Potato."


He asked how often I wanted to come to the gym. I wanted to say once a month, but figured that would not go over well with the system. I decided on twice a week.


"What happens if I don't actually come twice a week?" I said.


"We come to your house and break down your door," he said.


"I don't think I'll have a problem coming twice a week."


That was three weeks ago, and we haven't been back since. 


But maybe that's not all bad. Just yesterday, Someone fired up the snow machine, and aimed it all at our yard. At least no one from the gym can get to our door and break it down.