Of bunnies and hair dryers

I have mentioned before in this blog the issue of my non-greeness and the persecution it occasionally brings, such as not feeling free to admit that I use Raid (although I use it only under strictly controlled circumstances, such as spraying the entire bathroom to kill one ant in the bathtub). Yes, I am properly ashamed of my reliance on such products as well as on purchased produce from countries that, thanks to strict USDA rules, are not considered local. 


But I am not alone. There are many of us who, for one reason or another, have not yet climbed fully aboard the wagon of Environmentally Friendly but instead hang our tails in the dust of pollution and excess. We occasionally look to each other for support, but we must be careful to disguise any meetings between us as routine events, such as going to the salon for a haircut.


At my salon, for example, there is my hair stylist who, like me, does not grow her own vegetables. Not even a single tomato.


On one recent visit, while appearing to be completely absorbed in examining the roots of my hair, she said in a low voice, "You know, some of my clients are WAY too into their vegetable gardens. Some of them, it's all they talk about! And the worst part" -- here she forgot about lowering her voice -- "is that some of them hate rabbits so much they KILL them." She became almost apoplectic. "Little, tiny, cute bunnies! They kill them! I don't care how much damage they do to my yard, I could never kill them. Could YOU?"


Of course not, I said. Even if I had been inclined to be a Bunny Killer, I would not have admitted it at that particular moment. She was holding scissors in her hand.


Apparently she had once asked one of these Bunny Killers how they do away with the bunnies, and the woman had said seriously, "You don't want to know." My stylist had shuddered and asked no more questions.


In the midst of our mutual indignation at this treatment of bunnies we also felt slightly righteous, because we may not be environmentally correct, but by golly at least we do not go around torturing sweet little furry animals.


To take our minds off these horrors my stylist showed me her new European hair dryer, which carried so outrageous a price tag that she had split the cost of one dryer with her business partner. 


"How much does it cost?" I said.


"You don't want to know," she answered.


It was made by Ferrari, she said, and its aim was to be -- surprise! -- the fastest hair dryer on the market.


"Is it?" I asked.


She laughed. "It's pretty darn quick."


Which means...it would take less time to dry your hair, which means...less heat and less electricity, which means...wow, the Ferrari Super Turbo-Charged Hair Dryer just might, I suppose, be good for the environment. Or at least better.


This makes me happy. Not because I plan to use one, but at least now I have a new excuse when someone accuses me of being non-green: I can't afford it.